**-Classmates steadily progressed through lives of their own choosing, while I have been groaning at the bottom of the ravine of life; I thought perhaps it would be better not to meet**

These two former classmates contacted me and said, "Let's meet up" at our hometown. This was really depressing. When this sort of thing occurs, you are forced to look at the past. My schoolmates have been steadily progressing through lives of their own choosing, have at least followed their own paths, and are now practically ready to graduate from life. My own circumstances just involved groaning at the bottom of the ravine of life until my own time of graduation came. I thought, "There's no point in meeting. What will we talk about?" I was full of worries like that. "I should just not meet with them," I decided.

## **-I was the only dropout; could not leave no matter how much I struggled; was miserable**

Of our group of five, one person had worked at a bank and retired when he reached the mandatory age. Another person, who was the smartest of us, was someone I expected to look beyond our local university, and just as I thought he had attended one of the former Imperial universities.

23) In the end, I fell off the cart along the way and the other four all graduated from college. I was miserable that I was the only one who did not make it. Since I could not leave here no matter how much I struggled, I had no inclination to do anything and felt only resignation. Getting this illness really stained everything and nothing could be done about it, because one way or another it all ends up like this. I was invited to our class reunion, and some of those in our group said they went. I was glad I did not go. Even if somebody had become the prime minister, all I would have to say to them would be, "How are you doing?" [Laughs].

*Quality of Life - Biopsychosocial Perspectives*

**things improved gradually in unseen ways**

strikes and hunger strikes.

vaguely and gradually.

felt quite despondent by that point.

of the improvement we are talking about.

"Why are you not participating with us?"

**opportunistic, non-political course**

**-Criticism for not participating in the conflict**

Yamamoto: I was not directly scolded like that.

**-Things got invisibly better a little at a time**

it much.

He could detain people who did something wrong to punish them and had the right to reduce meal rations. There was a sense of opposition to these social inconsistencies. These organizations were very active when I arrived. There were often labor

22) I had very slipshod feelings at that time and turned my back, thinking "Isn't it too late to be doing this?" That is why I thought, looking at it objectively, having no freedom was bitter and placed a large weight on my shoulders, but since my daily life involved letting the cards fall where they may, I did not trouble myself over

**3) The conflicts of the National Hansen's Disease Council ended in vain, but** 

There were organizing activities and opposition activities that drove facility operations into an untenable situation, such as hunger strikes and labor strikes, but in the end, they cannot be said to have changed anything. This is because at the conclusion of the conflict over the law, they were not able to deal a blow to the national government. Ultimately, the law remained in place until 1996. Since the conflict with its large goal ended in vain, I feel the people at its forefront must have

At any rate, when I say things changed, it was a tiny bit at a time in invisible ways. For example, among medical issues, things like a significant bump in the health care budget, a sudden jump in the number of medical staff, or a groundbreaking reform in the new year did not occur at the Hansen's disease sanatorium. Since the residents, who had until then meekly been doing what they were told

to, began to use shows of force during the prevention law conflict, the government thought, "We had better think about this situation a little," and implemented improvements a little bit at a time. Even though, practically speaking, the conflict ended in vain, the government did raise the working wage slightly, increase medical expenditures, and increase the number of workers by one or two people. I feel that the government had an inflated view of these small changes and felt very self-satisfied about them. As these built up a little at a time, if I look back over a long period of time of 15 years, instead of 5 or 10, I can say things got better. This is the extent

**4) Did not listen to criticism for not participating in the conflict**

Listener: During the organized movement, did any of your peers say to you,

Nevertheless, I had a new acquaintance who said to me, "You are still young and energetic and can do what others can do too. Why are you not participating? Shouldn't you also join the fight and put in even a small effort to improve your own

**-Circumstances without freedom; since freedom was in vain, I chose an** 

Despite someone saying that to me, I did not join the activities, thinking, "What's the point now? I've been hurtled into these circumstances without freedom where I can't leave the island, and I have no future, dreams, or hopes of my own. No

**-Despite the hunger strikes and labor strikes, the Hansen's Disease Prevention Law conflict ended in vain and the law continued until 1996** Listener: Did anything get better because the others had gone on strike? Yamamoto: Nothing got extremely better. Until the 1980s, there was nothing that suddenly got better one day or improved at a particular time. It happened

**266**

living situation?"

## **II. Changing flow of living**

### **1. By the recommendation of elders who warmly looked after me, I visited the Tōkyō office of the National Hansen's Disease Council**

## **-The flow changed; elders in the Residents' Committee warmly looked after me**

Listener: From that hopeless state, was there something that triggered a change or the gradual re-emergence of hope?

Yamamoto: Instead of hope, a kind of flow started forming and that flow is all that changed.

When I say the flow changed, there were some people who warmly looked after me even though I was not living a very admirable life at all. They were Mr. S and Mr. M., who were elders in the Residents' Committee. At the time, I had a terrible reputation of being a slovenly fellow despite my youth and vigor.

#### **-Activities of the Residents' Committee; idiotic**

I thought even the activities of the Residents' Committee were idiotic. I thought, "I have no hopes or dreams. What's the point of being active in Residents' Committee activities in this place that I can never leave?" I was really opportunistic.

#### **-Was nominated to be a representative for three sanatoriums to the main office (Tōkyō) of the National Hansen's Disease Council**

At any rate, in 1980 there was an organizational problem with our Residents' Committee and we needed to select and send a central executive committee member from our block within the Seto Inland Sea, which consisted of three sanatoriums (Oku-Kōmyō-En, Nagashima Aiseien, Ōshima Seishoen), to the national organization. When it was Ōshima's turn, they were unable to select someone, so one day I was suddenly asked by Mr. S, "Would you go to the main office of the National Hansen's Disease Council for us?"

"You say that, but I've ordinarily taken a non-political stance and I don't know what the objectives of the organization's activities are or what the current situation is. There is no way I can go and do this. It's completely impossible!"

"I'll collect the documents you'll need, so just go for us."

### **-If I stay at Ōshima I'll just die a dog's death, and since the work will involve negotiations with Nagata-cho and Kasumigaseki [the elected government and the civil service], it might be stimulating**

My feelings changed to wanting to go for the completely wrong motivation, which was "If I just stay at Ōshima, I'll die like a dog." If I did what they asked and went to Tōkyō, my main work would be to go to places in Nagata-cho [the center of the elected government] and Kasumigaseki [the center of the civil service] like the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare and the Diet Members' Building for legislators. After that, I would write reports to send to the various branch offices about what demands I made under which themes, the results that followed, and the nature of responses from legislators and the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare. That is all I needed to do, and the rest would be free time. I thought I might have a different lifestyle in Tōkyō, so I did as Mr. S said and departed.

#### **2. Life in Tōkyō**

#### **-Life in Tōkyō: Tough at first**

For over a month after I arrived, it was tough for me because I did not know what kind of work it was. At the time, there was a council system with seven Central Executive Committee members, so the seven people were selected and sent from their respective blocks. I learned a lot about the organization's activities, although it was tough at first when I had no previous knowledge.

#### **-Mustn't harm Ōshima's reputation.**

I was selected from Ōshima, and it would be out of the question to be noticeably inferior to the other six members, so my work had to be comparable to the others.

**269**

*Spirituality and Hansen's Disease: Spirituality' Conceptual Structure and Hansen's Disease...*

It wasn't on par with the Olympics like we have now, but I felt, "I mustn't harm Ōshima's reputation." So I did work hard for the organizational activities.

**-Approval from wife approval and friends; wife hoped this would trigger a** 

I also had thoughts pulling me in the other direction, namely, how could I go to Tōkyō and leave behind the people who were always concerned for me even though I was usually up to no good, like Mr. I and Mr. T, as well as the head of the group for the blind. Nevertheless, those people also told me, "Just go and learn from it. Then, when you return, make use of what you learned." They encouraged me to think

**-Four years in Tōkyō; blessed with good friends, visited various places, and** 

I was in Tōkyō for about four years, and there were a number of people I could get along with who treated me very well. My friends in Tōkyō would take me to all

It seems that it was fun for my wife too. It was tough to be told, "The only good

**-Returned to the island without extending my stay so as not to abandon my** 

I was there for four years over two terms, and was asked, "Please extend your stay." Right around the time my term ended, there was a change in the system for the executive office chairperson, and I was asked to stay as the next chairperson. However, Mr. and Ms. O at Ōshima said to us, "Are you just going to abandon us?" It is tough and painful being asked that, and I thought that since they were depending on my wife more than I was to such an extent, she should take care of them. I felt

I asked my wife, "What should we do?" She said, "We can stay, or we can go

Yamamoto: Yes. Working at the head office could not have been successful without her. For someone like me, it would be tough to go alone. I worked all day at the office and so would have to make my own meals when I returned home, and then I would have to clean the rooms and wash the sink and do the laundry. I could not do that myself. There is the saying, "Maggots grow in a widower's home," and

**5. Return to the island; elevated to Residents' Committee chairperson -My standing was reversed before and after going to the Tōkyō office; was recommended for the Residents' Committee chairperson at Ōshima to take** 

After returning to Ōshima, my standing had undergone a complete reversal from four years prior. I was quickly elevated to Residents' Committee chairperson at

**-Life in Tōkyō would have been impossible without my wife's help**

sorts of places in their cars, and I think that time was stimulating for me.

times were in Tōkyō, and after that not a single thing was good."

**-Wife thought that life in Tōkyō was the best**

**4. Resolve to return to the island**

that this would be hard for my wife too.

back," so I decided, "In that case we'll return."

Listener: Did your wife support you through this?

there really might have been maggots without her.

**advantage of what I learned at the head office.**

Soon, my wife started wanting to go. I had to raise my standard of living or else our relationship would become a battleground. If I stayed here, I would not do much good for anyone and would live life on the sidelines, since I just played a lot of Mahjong and such. But it seems my wife thought, "maybe going will cause a change." So she said, "Maybe it would be good to try going to Tōkyō. I also want to have a peek at Tōkyō, instead of spending all my time here at Ōshima." I actually though she would be opposed to the idea. She did have an uncle and aunt here,

*DOI: http://dx.doi.org/10.5772/intechopen.92735*

**change in me.**

after all.

more forwardly.

**had good stimulation**

**friends on the island**

**3. Effect of wife's encouragement and assistance**

*Spirituality and Hansen's Disease: Spirituality' Conceptual Structure and Hansen's Disease... DOI: http://dx.doi.org/10.5772/intechopen.92735*

It wasn't on par with the Olympics like we have now, but I felt, "I mustn't harm Ōshima's reputation." So I did work hard for the organizational activities.

#### **3. Effect of wife's encouragement and assistance**

*Quality of Life - Biopsychosocial Perspectives*

**II. Changing flow of living**

or the gradual re-emergence of hope?

Hansen's Disease Council for us?"

**2. Life in Tōkyō**

**-Life in Tōkyō: Tough at first**

**the civil service], it might be stimulating**

lifestyle in Tōkyō, so I did as Mr. S said and departed.

was tough at first when I had no previous knowledge.

**-Mustn't harm Ōshima's reputation.**

**after me**

that changed.

**1. By the recommendation of elders who warmly looked after me, I visited** 

Listener: From that hopeless state, was there something that triggered a change

Yamamoto: Instead of hope, a kind of flow started forming and that flow is all

When I say the flow changed, there were some people who warmly looked after me even though I was not living a very admirable life at all. They were Mr. S and Mr. M., who were elders in the Residents' Committee. At the time, I had a terrible

I thought even the activities of the Residents' Committee were idiotic. I thought, "I have no hopes or dreams. What's the point of being active in Residents' Committee activities in this place that I can never leave?" I was really opportunistic. **-Was nominated to be a representative for three sanatoriums to the main** 

At any rate, in 1980 there was an organizational problem with our Residents' Committee and we needed to select and send a central executive committee member from our block within the Seto Inland Sea, which consisted of three sanatoriums (Oku-Kōmyō-En, Nagashima Aiseien, Ōshima Seishoen), to the national organization. When it was Ōshima's turn, they were unable to select someone, so one day I was suddenly asked by Mr. S, "Would you go to the main office of the National

"You say that, but I've ordinarily taken a non-political stance and I don't know what the objectives of the organization's activities are or what the current situation

**-If I stay at Ōshima I'll just die a dog's death, and since the work will involve negotiations with Nagata-cho and Kasumigaseki [the elected government and** 

My feelings changed to wanting to go for the completely wrong motivation, which was "If I just stay at Ōshima, I'll die like a dog." If I did what they asked and went to Tōkyō, my main work would be to go to places in Nagata-cho [the center of the elected government] and Kasumigaseki [the center of the civil service] like the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare and the Diet Members' Building for legislators. After that, I would write reports to send to the various branch offices about what demands I made under which themes, the results that followed, and the nature of responses from legislators and the Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare. That is all I needed to do, and the rest would be free time. I thought I might have a different

For over a month after I arrived, it was tough for me because I did not know what kind of work it was. At the time, there was a council system with seven Central Executive Committee members, so the seven people were selected and sent from their respective blocks. I learned a lot about the organization's activities, although it

I was selected from Ōshima, and it would be out of the question to be noticeably inferior to the other six members, so my work had to be comparable to the others.

**-The flow changed; elders in the Residents' Committee warmly looked** 

**the Tōkyō office of the National Hansen's Disease Council**

reputation of being a slovenly fellow despite my youth and vigor.

**-Activities of the Residents' Committee; idiotic**

**office (Tōkyō) of the National Hansen's Disease Council**

is. There is no way I can go and do this. It's completely impossible!" "I'll collect the documents you'll need, so just go for us."

**268**

## **-Approval from wife approval and friends; wife hoped this would trigger a change in me.**

Soon, my wife started wanting to go. I had to raise my standard of living or else our relationship would become a battleground. If I stayed here, I would not do much good for anyone and would live life on the sidelines, since I just played a lot of Mahjong and such. But it seems my wife thought, "maybe going will cause a change." So she said, "Maybe it would be good to try going to Tōkyō. I also want to have a peek at Tōkyō, instead of spending all my time here at Ōshima." I actually though she would be opposed to the idea. She did have an uncle and aunt here, after all.

I also had thoughts pulling me in the other direction, namely, how could I go to Tōkyō and leave behind the people who were always concerned for me even though I was usually up to no good, like Mr. I and Mr. T, as well as the head of the group for the blind. Nevertheless, those people also told me, "Just go and learn from it. Then, when you return, make use of what you learned." They encouraged me to think more forwardly.

#### **-Four years in Tōkyō; blessed with good friends, visited various places, and had good stimulation**

I was in Tōkyō for about four years, and there were a number of people I could get along with who treated me very well. My friends in Tōkyō would take me to all sorts of places in their cars, and I think that time was stimulating for me.

#### **-Wife thought that life in Tōkyō was the best**

It seems that it was fun for my wife too. It was tough to be told, "The only good times were in Tōkyō, and after that not a single thing was good."

#### **4. Resolve to return to the island**

#### **-Returned to the island without extending my stay so as not to abandon my friends on the island**

I was there for four years over two terms, and was asked, "Please extend your stay." Right around the time my term ended, there was a change in the system for the executive office chairperson, and I was asked to stay as the next chairperson. However, Mr. and Ms. O at Ōshima said to us, "Are you just going to abandon us?" It is tough and painful being asked that, and I thought that since they were depending on my wife more than I was to such an extent, she should take care of them. I felt that this would be hard for my wife too.

I asked my wife, "What should we do?" She said, "We can stay, or we can go back," so I decided, "In that case we'll return."

#### **-Life in Tōkyō would have been impossible without my wife's help**

Listener: Did your wife support you through this?

Yamamoto: Yes. Working at the head office could not have been successful without her. For someone like me, it would be tough to go alone. I worked all day at the office and so would have to make my own meals when I returned home, and then I would have to clean the rooms and wash the sink and do the laundry. I could not do that myself. There is the saying, "Maggots grow in a widower's home," and there really might have been maggots without her.

#### **5. Return to the island; elevated to Residents' Committee chairperson**

**-My standing was reversed before and after going to the Tōkyō office; was recommended for the Residents' Committee chairperson at Ōshima to take advantage of what I learned at the head office.**

After returning to Ōshima, my standing had undergone a complete reversal from four years prior. I was quickly elevated to Residents' Committee chairperson at the next election with the hope that I would take advantage of what I learned during my four years of work at the head office. When I returned, there were still over 600 patients here. When I was raised to this high position, my way of life started to change a little.

#### **6. Was able to come to terms with time**

#### **-Hadn't done anything decent until then**

Until that point, I had not really done a single thing to get praise from others, and even now I'm not doing anything praiseworthy. But after the age of 60, I did some ceramics. Until then I went fishing and when summer came I would go diving.

### **-It is tough to come to terms with the time I have left; I had lived without goals in a workaday way**

At this point, it was clear I do not like work and do not have anything to do day in and day out. This is also something that is bitter to me in terms of being alive—to come to terms with the time I have left. Unless you accept this completely, you cannot come to terms with it at all. I only drank and gambled, so I really lived without goals or meaning in my life.

#### **-Slack way of living**

That is why as a human, I saw my way of living as completely slack. I very much regret this now. It would be better if I could come to terms with things through a sense of fulfillment like other people, but it's difficult when you just slack off.

### **-Work as the Residents' Committee chairperson; avoiding boredom as one way to come to terms with time**

By doing the work of the Residents' Committee, I could avoid boredom because things had to get done whether I liked it or not. That process is pretty much the same now, as well. Sometimes there is work that makes me think, for example something that does not make sense, in which case I know I have to do something about it and dive in headfirst. For me, this is a way to come to terms with time, and I can avoid boredom. That's all.

Listener: But I feel like you were actively pursuing a lot of activities.

Yamamoto: I did not normally think about things for other people or fight for human rights. It's just that while I'm alive, I have not been able to come to terms with time very well, so doing these kinds of activities becomes a way to do this.

#### **-Here, the sciences were of no use, but in the liberal arts I could have engaged in literature as a way to come to terms with time**

Even while I was a student, I liked math and the sciences more than the liberal arts, and so I was completely useless after coming here. I think, "I could have used my time well in the humanities. What a mistake." Coming here, instead of using my body to do something, I would have made something spiritual, a literary work. A novel or critical commentary would be beyond me, but I think it's possible that making *haiku* or *tanka* poems would be within my reach, although I might be scolded by people who have studied those forms and tell me that I'm underestimating them.

#### **-If I were healthy, I could go to Tōkyō again, but my body was on the decline**

There came a time when the main office talked about sending me to Tōkyō again. The organization is in trouble right now, so if my eyes and ears were in good shape I would go at my own expense, but now my sight and hearing are no good. I would not want to always need an attendant to do the work if I went all the way to Tōkyō.

## **-Short life remaining; even if it must be endured, it is not infinite, so I could just spend it at Ōshima**

I think, "I can just stay at Ōshima and do what I can here to pass the time." I do not have that much time left. Even if it is a matter of endurance, there is not an infinite amount of time that must be endured, so I think that leaving things as they are is fine.

**271**

**Author details**

good enough.

**generations**

Makiko Kondo1

Kayoko Furochi<sup>2</sup>

\*, Mikako Yamaberi<sup>2</sup>

, Shiho Oka2

provided the original work is properly cited.

way think about what I should say next. (The following is omitted.)

, Hitomi Yamao2

and Aiko Matsushita2

© 2020 The Author(s). Licensee IntechOpen. This chapter is distributed under the terms of the Creative Commons Attribution License (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/ by/3.0), which permits unrestricted use, distribution, and reproduction in any medium,

1 Kagawa Prefectural University of Health Sciences, Takamatsu City, Japan

2 National Sanatorium Oshima seisho-en, Takamatsu, Kagawa, Japan

\*Address all correspondence to: mkondo@cc.okayama-u.ac.jp

, Masato Muguruma<sup>2</sup>

,

*Spirituality and Hansen's Disease: Spirituality' Conceptual Structure and Hansen's Disease...*

At any rate, I'm starting to see that my life will end without having done anything and as still good for nothing. It seems a 'good-for-nothing' remains a goodfor-nothing to the end. Even with the work of the Residents' Committee, if you want to do it with a relaxed attitude in your spare time you can do it all in a relaxed way, and if you want to dive in headfirst and do things seriously, you will have to put in the appropriate effort. You have to read books about organizations, social order, and welfare, and study specialized topics. Just understanding these things does not mean that you have the will to put them into action. That is because you will compromise and think, well as long as I can manage to not fall behind, it will be

**-Half-baked way of life; cannot find words to leave behind to the subsequent** 

Listener: If you were to leave behind something of what you experienced at Ōshima to future generations, is there anything you know you would like to say? Yamamoto: No, I have not thought about such things before. I cannot give a

If it is about what I have done at Ōshima, until I passed the age of 40, I was obsessed with Mahjong and gambling and that's about all I did. After that, there

Looking back, my entire way of life has been half-baked. If I myself had lived even a little more ready for my own life, I would now have words or things I wanted to leave behind. I've just been a slacker, and there were few times I could be completely serious; usually it happened momentarily or temporarily. At times when I'm working, I do think in my own way about things like, "Which perspective should I speak from next time," when, for example, I am at a Hansen's disease forum or when someone comes to me to talk. It's pretty haphazard. I do not have the knowledge or room to be irresponsible. Since one should not be haphazard, I do in my own poor

wasn't anything that I could tell other people, "This is what I've done."

**-Looks like life will end with me still a good-for-nothing**

*DOI: http://dx.doi.org/10.5772/intechopen.92735*

**7. Overall, a half-baked life**

quick answer to questions like that.

*Spirituality and Hansen's Disease: Spirituality' Conceptual Structure and Hansen's Disease... DOI: http://dx.doi.org/10.5772/intechopen.92735*
