**7. Overall, a half-baked life**

*Quality of Life - Biopsychosocial Perspectives*

**6. Was able to come to terms with time -Hadn't done anything decent until then**

change a little.

**goals in a workaday way**

goals or meaning in my life. **-Slack way of living**

**way to come to terms with time**

can avoid boredom. That's all.

the next election with the hope that I would take advantage of what I learned during my four years of work at the head office. When I returned, there were still over 600 patients here. When I was raised to this high position, my way of life started to

Until that point, I had not really done a single thing to get praise from others, and even now I'm not doing anything praiseworthy. But after the age of 60, I did some ceramics. Until then I went fishing and when summer came I would go diving. **-It is tough to come to terms with the time I have left; I had lived without** 

At this point, it was clear I do not like work and do not have anything to do day in and day out. This is also something that is bitter to me in terms of being alive—to come to terms with the time I have left. Unless you accept this completely, you cannot come to terms with it at all. I only drank and gambled, so I really lived without

That is why as a human, I saw my way of living as completely slack. I very much regret this now. It would be better if I could come to terms with things through a sense of fulfillment like other people, but it's difficult when you just slack off.

**-Work as the Residents' Committee chairperson; avoiding boredom as one** 

By doing the work of the Residents' Committee, I could avoid boredom because things had to get done whether I liked it or not. That process is pretty much the same now, as well. Sometimes there is work that makes me think, for example something that does not make sense, in which case I know I have to do something about it and dive in headfirst. For me, this is a way to come to terms with time, and I

Yamamoto: I did not normally think about things for other people or fight for human rights. It's just that while I'm alive, I have not been able to come to terms with

**-Here, the sciences were of no use, but in the liberal arts I could have engaged** 

Even while I was a student, I liked math and the sciences more than the liberal arts, and so I was completely useless after coming here. I think, "I could have used my time well in the humanities. What a mistake." Coming here, instead of using my body to do something, I would have made something spiritual, a literary work. A novel or critical commentary would be beyond me, but I think it's possible that making *haiku* or *tanka* poems would be within my reach, although I might be scolded by people who have studied those forms and tell me that I'm underestimat-

**-If I were healthy, I could go to Tōkyō again, but my body was on the decline** There came a time when the main office talked about sending me to Tōkyō again. The organization is in trouble right now, so if my eyes and ears were in good shape I would go at my own expense, but now my sight and hearing are no good. I would not want to always need an attendant to do the work if I went all the way to Tōkyō. **-Short life remaining; even if it must be endured, it is not infinite, so I could** 

I think, "I can just stay at Ōshima and do what I can here to pass the time." I do not have that much time left. Even if it is a matter of endurance, there is not an infinite amount of time that must be endured, so I think that leaving things as they

Listener: But I feel like you were actively pursuing a lot of activities.

time very well, so doing these kinds of activities becomes a way to do this.

**in literature as a way to come to terms with time**

**270**

are is fine.

ing them.

**just spend it at Ōshima**

## **-Looks like life will end with me still a good-for-nothing**

At any rate, I'm starting to see that my life will end without having done anything and as still good for nothing. It seems a 'good-for-nothing' remains a goodfor-nothing to the end. Even with the work of the Residents' Committee, if you want to do it with a relaxed attitude in your spare time you can do it all in a relaxed way, and if you want to dive in headfirst and do things seriously, you will have to put in the appropriate effort. You have to read books about organizations, social order, and welfare, and study specialized topics. Just understanding these things does not mean that you have the will to put them into action. That is because you will compromise and think, well as long as I can manage to not fall behind, it will be good enough.

#### **-Half-baked way of life; cannot find words to leave behind to the subsequent generations**

Listener: If you were to leave behind something of what you experienced at Ōshima to future generations, is there anything you know you would like to say?

Yamamoto: No, I have not thought about such things before. I cannot give a quick answer to questions like that.

If it is about what I have done at Ōshima, until I passed the age of 40, I was obsessed with Mahjong and gambling and that's about all I did. After that, there wasn't anything that I could tell other people, "This is what I've done."

Looking back, my entire way of life has been half-baked. If I myself had lived even a little more ready for my own life, I would now have words or things I wanted to leave behind. I've just been a slacker, and there were few times I could be completely serious; usually it happened momentarily or temporarily. At times when I'm working, I do think in my own way about things like, "Which perspective should I speak from next time," when, for example, I am at a Hansen's disease forum or when someone comes to me to talk. It's pretty haphazard. I do not have the knowledge or room to be irresponsible. Since one should not be haphazard, I do in my own poor way think about what I should say next.

(The following is omitted.)
