**-When I returned from the university hospital, I was slovenly and did not feel like doing anything; this was the bitterest time of my life**

Even before I quit school, 9) when I returned from the Kyoto University Hospital, I really had no inclination to do anything and was careless about everything. It was a tough time for me then and for the next 20 years or so. At night, whether I was awake or asleep and dreaming, I thought about this.

**-Went back and forth between living and dying**

Thinking back after all this time has passed, I lived my daily life in a spaced-out way, so that I cannot remember how I felt when I first got sick. 10) My inner conflict at that time caused me to worry day in and day out. Going back and forth between life and death probably refers to times like that.

**3) Suicide of fellow resident—I can callously live in a place like this because I have an abnormal mind**
