*4.1.1. James Hetfield*

Hetfield was raised to believe in Christian science, in which God cares for everything, and doctors are not needed. People started talking about him being different. Hetfield grew a silent child who wanted to be alone and forget about the surrounding world. He was a misfit and did not want to belong to any group. Listening to music and later playing it helped him. On the other hand, music also helped Hetfield to come out of his shell. It became his escape, therapy and rescue. He tells that without music he would probably be dead or in prison [12, 14, 41, 42].

James's father left the family in 1976, and his mother died of cancer in 1979 after refusing to believe the doctors and taking medicines. Hetfield's next of kin left him either by their own will or by their death. This increased his need to try to control things and people around him. Hetfield felt fear and hatred of authority because they could take control of him. He has admitted having the habit of suffocating his loved ones: Do not go anywhere, do not leave. Hetfield lost trust in people and started treating everyone as possible enemies. He was seen as a rude and stubborn introvert, who came out of his shell only when drinking. He did not want to talk about his own past, but his creativity came from internal anxiety. Hetfield was controversial even in the sense that on stage he was fierce and extroverted, but very cautious outside the stage. His stage persona was his protection and security. He could hide behind it. Later it became clear that alcohol had greatly contributed to this, but at the same time gave him the wrong feeling of power. Hetfield had a lot of unsolved stuff from his childhood and he started to live again as someone else [12, 14, 38, 41–45].

At the beginning, Hetfield thought that he did not have the voice, appearance or charisma needed by the lead of Metallica. This could be influenced by the extroverted, social Ulrich and guitarist Dave Mustaine, who left Hetfield in their shadow. The band was looking for a new singer until Hetfield's self-esteem began to rise in 1984 with the release of the gig and record sales after the release of the second album, Ride the Lightning. Everything else but the music was of little interest to Hetfield—for example, he could fall asleep during a business negotiation. Even though Hetfield had advanced ideas, in many things, he was seen as reserved and even conservative [12, 41, 46].

To better understand Hetfield's personality let us look at Metallica's lyrics that are mainly written by him. The lyrics usually tell a story from an individual's point of view—a small man's struggle with the government or some other oppressor. In Metallica's debut, Kill'em All 1981, the lyrics of many songs emphasize the power of the negative feelings and the attitude of winning. Ride the Lightning album's songs, declare "we ordinary people versus those faceless politicians" and "freedom versus dictation". The corresponding themes are also present on the Master of Puppets and …And Justice for All albums. Until the Black album, Hetfield told stories in the third person, but after that began a more open and honest self-study line. In Load and Reload albums black and white, right versus false, and I know-it-all attitude toward life began to soften. Hetfield tried to find the roots of hatred and its consequences. He told that anger was still a big part of his life—and that it is easier to find things to hate than to like. Hetfileld's personal emotional reflection continued in lyrics of St. Anger's 2003 release. He sings that anger is both a positive and negative thing. In 2008, with the Death Magnetic album Metallica returned to its roots, that is, to say to the 1980s music and the 1990s lyrics, namely handling life and loss as the sources of anxiety and terror. Even the latest album, Hardwired … to Self-Destruct, released in 2016, is a very dark-hearted journey to Hetfield's twisted mind [12, 38, 45–48].
