*4.3.1. It is wrong for women to display their feminine attraction to their children*

"My children are male. I'm telling the truth. I really like wearing revealing clothes, but Allah commanded. I have to do… My children have grown up, and I absolutely cannot wear tight skirts, trousers, even short-sleeved t-shirts… I do not dress like that anymore. I am not free anywhere" (G-7).

This highly educated participant's statement caused indignation in the group. Her use of the first-person singular pronoun reveals an identity that is torn between religious limitations and personal emotions. As a religious command, the participant sees veiling as an obligation and experiences it as being unfree. The idea that religion makes women unfree is the main argument of irreligious feminist approaches [49, 50]. However, the expression of this unfreedom by a religious woman means that the negative effect of religion on women is not restricted to feminists. This participant is a person who willingly covers herself and is an absolute believer in religious ideology. Thus, her conflict is emotional, and not derived from ideas or faith. Her emotions want to display feminine attraction in all the dimensions of life, but her beliefs do not allow her to do so.

<sup>19</sup>During the meeting in which religious women's perceptions toward beauty were discussed, a participant mentioned her displeasure with her weight.

The approach of a bareheaded woman who calls herself religious to the subject is based on the fact that she prioritizes her own wills and desires. G-9 accepts the necessity of wearing hijab although she does not wear it,20 but she also states that a woman should have the freedom to shape her life, including the way she executes the orders of the religion.

"(This) is quite related to loving ourselves… A person should accept herself before loving herself" (G-9-).

G-9's statement, also a response to the claims of G-7, is a psychological proof. G-9, a psychologist, mentioned that G-7's dependence-related ideas are based on her displeasure with herself instead of the perceptions related to religious feelings and ideas.

G-7's statements have conflicting themes about restrictions on indoor clothing styles that caused indignation in the group because she wants to do as she pleases, but cannot do so.

"In books I read, there is something that affects me. But I have never been such a veiled woman. Her children have never seen their mother without socks… But, I am not so strict. I can stay at home bareheaded. That is all I can do" (G-7).21

It is clear that the participant's voluntary obedience to religious rules makes her feel unfree. However, her clear attitude that the religion should be experienced in the *taqwa*22 dimension shows her perception and experience of the authenticity of religion.

The common opinion among the participating female members of İsmailağa Jamia is like that of G7. Like G-12, G-11 limited her indoor sexual actualities in the presence of her children.

"Children are born. They turns 3 or 4… Modern-day children are very clever. There can be a rule not to do this in front of children… Children should not see their mother with makeup or in a short skirt… I think the only limitation can be this. This should be only between wife and husband. Such an image should not be formed in the eyes of children" (G-11).

The restriction in the statements of G-11 is not related to performing sexual activities in front of children. It is related to keeping children away from the appearances evoking sexual desire. The emphasis on the intelligence of the modern-day children indicates that sexual appearances may trigger the child at the early ages.

Women's space of relative freedom, home, is limited by the presence of the children. This is accepted on the basis of raising religious children. The contradiction in religious arguments claiming that religion does not limit women's lives and that family life satisfies all needed pleasure mechanisms is obvious. The maximum amount of time that a woman can display her femininity, even at home, is 4 years. After having a child (3–4 years), women's freedom to express

<sup>20</sup>G-9 started to wear hijab approximately 6 months after she participated in the group conversation.

<sup>21</sup>The participant quotes a reference from a book she read and talks about how a religious Muslim woman should dress and behave around her son. According to this book, the Muslim mother of a significant Islam scholar paid great importance to wearing hijab around her son and even wore socks when she was around him. It is emphasized in this book that the mother's good behavior played a significant role in raising her son as a significant Muslim scholar. She is a model for women to raise a religious generation. G-7 mentions her sorrow for failing to be that careful around her sons. G-7 only removes her hijab around her sons, but veils other parts of her body.

<sup>22</sup>This means protecting yourself from all sins and abstaining from things suspected of being *haram* [42].

their sexual identities even at the level of clothing is restricted to a single room, the bedroom. However, this limitation is legalized and normalized for the sake of raising religious children.
