**2.1. Nicole**

jumps and turns being so big?" "An excellent skater but your body aesthetics detract from the

The remarks came from various sources: other skaters, children skaters, parents of children skaters, coaches, instructors, and judges. Why did I stay in the sport? I was and continue to be an aggressive personality who is not easily swayed by words. The best reason though in staying with the sport was because I was a strong skater and the power of being a "strong skater" gives one not only physical strength but psychological strength. That to me was the real beauty of the sport. The perception of acceptable body size and physical beauty in my sport, however, overshadows everything that occurs within the sport and apparently lasts

Just last month, I was speaking at a regional sports conference, when a young woman researcher approached me. When I say young, I mean in her early thirties. Understand I am in my early seventies, so we are four decades apart but perhaps not so far apart after all. She had heard that one of the speakers had a former athletic career in skating. She said she knew who I was as soon as she saw me. Her direct quote, "Skaters all have the same look—the hair,

I know exactly what she meant—we do have THE LOOK. Unfortunately, THE LOOK probably is not the healthiest way to be. We, with THE LOOK, have paid dearly for THE LOOK weekly weigh-ins, constant criticism of makeup, costume, body type, and then the aesthetics of the sporting experience as it is dissected and analyzed by judges. That experience has been with me for a lifetime—it is a memory filled with the tension between two realities: the love of the sport, the beauty of the sport, juxta positioned with the beast of the sport—the constant worry, criticism, and evaluation concerning "THE LOOK." When refined, this problem is greater than what occurs in my sport of figure skating—it is a problem that exists across the

For over 30 years, many academic and feminist writers have written of the perceived importance of female athlete beauty and the hegemonic practices to manipulate women to be beautiful [1–7]. That research is not an enjoyable read because of the oppressive subjugation of female athletes. Other research has argued that perhaps the former lines of research were mistaken or more importantly missed the true mark. Rather, it is argued, athletes are unlike other female populations and are not as affected by the need to be beautiful or see themselves as a "girlie girl." Adams et al. [8] found that high school athletes saw sports as "…the main vehicle by which they … attained confidence, independence, assertiveness, and joy in the

I believe that both arguments have validity. I see and hear the first line often. As a college professor who attends female athletic contests, I often hear male derogatory catcalls directed toward women participants. "Hey 18, What a dog, do you eat bones to keep you from being pretty?" "Nice ass, 21″. "Number 8, bend over again—I have something to give you?" Interestingly, no security personnel ever reprimand the behavior. And fans are cruel—unbelievably cruel and words do have to mean [9]. I do not recall any of these remarks as positive

about how these athletes look. Hegemony does still exist and is alive and well.

the makeup, the nails, the carriage, you know, THE LOOK."

realm of women in sport and athletics.

physicality of the body"

performance."

160 Perception of Beauty

a lifetime.

When I played at USD, there was always an unspoken understanding that we as players were supposed to look a certain way. I remember hearing stories from the seniors my freshman year about how one of them stuck a weight down her pants during a weigh in because she knew she was not going to weigh enough. One of the seniors talked about how she had gained and lost so much weight she didn't know what was normal for her body anymore. As basketball players, we needed to be muscular and "strong" so that we did not get shoved around, but we also couldn't be too big because we needed to be able to get up and down the court. I never thought I would fall into this cycle but my sophomore year I fell into a weight obsession.

After an unsuccessful freshman year, I decided in my sophomore year to do whatever "it took" to play on the team. I was immediately told that to be considered as a viable player, I would need to lose weight. I was put on a diet and specific workout regimen; I stuck to it because I wanted to play. After about 4 months of unhealthy eating patterns (skipping meals, drinking only weight loss shakes) combined with working out 3–4 times a day, I reached my goal. I was praised for all the hard work I had done and told how good I looked by my coaches, teammates, and even family. I associated the weight loss with beauty and success because that is the feedback I received from those around me. I also received more attention from men because of my new form and I thought this was the only way that I was going to receive this attention again. Unfortunately, my "hard work" did not translate into playing time. The criticism I received for being "overweight", however, has stuck with me. I now only associate beauty with being fit and "in shape"- the supposed ideal I acquired during my sophomore year of college. My coaches instilled that in me because they were the ones to point out to me, the only way to be successful was to lose weight.

I have worked hard since those 2 years to change my perception of beauty and to see that starving myself and pushing my body past those limits, is not true beauty. However, it has been a long process and I still find myself comparing my current self to the way I was then.
