**5. Suggestions for change**

Completely embarrassed by this awkward conversation and just wanting it to end, I let out a

Being the object of someone's gaze, whether a man's or a woman's, was a part of my experience as a competitive athlete. The competitive athlete relies on her body to excel, much like a construction worker relies on his/her tools to build quality materials. For me, as a basketball player, I needed to be strong, lean, and quick. In order to perform, I needed the right combination of tools at the right time. This required careful attention to nutrition and physical fitness. Hours lifting in the weight room, seemingly endless sprints on the track, bounding up flights and flights of stairs, engaging in dribbling drills repetitively until my fingers ached, and putting up hundreds of shots a day were essential to being well prepared for successful competition. This devotion to effective preparation resulted in me being connected with my body—with how it moved, how it felt, and knowing what it was capable of. I was proud of the effort and the result. Though I viewed my body as an instrument capable of hitting jump shots, breaking a press, and pulling down rebounds, there were others who viewed it much differently. Some men seemingly felt free to comment on the curve of my ass or my muscular calf muscles while I struggled to squat, clean, and snatch weights next to them on the platform. I was wearing baggy shorts just like the guy next to me, but I was too busy trying to push the weight and too focused on completing a successful lift to notice his "form." My motivation was stronger

The gaze of others wasn't limited to men. My female coaches and teammates referred to me jokingly as "Butch." I had short hair, wore sweats daily, and spent more time with a basketball than I did with male companions. These choices were purposeful. Short hair was easier to take care of. Sweats were more comfortable and easy to take on and off in preparation for practice. As a college athlete, my motivation was to excel on the court and in the classroom. I wasn't there to land a mate. I was there to become a better shooting guard and to prepare for

Name calling ("butch" or "dyke") was common and served a purpose. It reinforced traditional ideologies about how women should look and act. Women were expected to appear feminine. Long hair, painted nails, makeup, and dressing in feminine clothing reinforced traditional gender norms. Such behavior was expected and reinforced. When women didn't fit this heterosexual norm, their behavior and sexuality were called into question. Name calling served to remind us all of what was expected and acceptable. Those names carried meaning and fear of backlash because they challenged traditional gender ideology and the accepted heterosexual norm. As a result, my teammates and I, whether gay or straight, felt pressure to fit into these norms. Hair length is an important marker. It was often a joke that female athletes must have a "ponytail gene" because ponytails are so prevalent in women's athletics. It was also a common occurrence for my teammates and me to discuss dating men and wanting children, whether they were actually dating men or had any interest in having kids. An example of how these expectations can impact experience occurred during one-holiday break. All students who resided in the dorms had to move out while the campus was closed for the holiday break. I was displaced from the dorms with no place to stay but had to remain on campus for practice and games. One teammate invited me to stay at her apartment since

sigh, shrugged my shoulders, and said, "Fine … now check the damn ball."

164 Perception of Beauty

muscles, but his catcalls revealed his motivation was sex.

successful entry into graduate school. Not everyone shared my vision.

As I read the above vignettes, to me it is painfully obviously that women athletes appear to have much in common with the perception of beauty and the beast of application. Each of these women tells a tale of manipulation by peers, coaches, and even other participants. Their comments also reflect what has been written on the subject of hegemony and misogamy [1, 2, 5, 8]. Most researchers argue for a re-education of society to address the issues. I reached out to each of these former athletes and asked her to offer her perspective.
