**2.4 Khawaja Sara and Hijra's intimacy and their sexual practices with cis-heteronormative men- A practice to decolonise their sexuality**

This section follows the discussion on the intimate relationship7 of Khawaja Sara and Hijra's with cis-heteronormative people as their boyfriends in Peshawar city. The term "Marakh" a Pashtu word, is used for the cis-heteronormative man who has relationships with Khwaja Sara and Hijra. These relationships are developed across the different regions of Khyber Pukhtunkhawa. This term is equivalent to the term "Griya" which is used in Punjab region in Pakistan [2]. The Girya or Marakh relationship within the communities of Khawaja Sara and Hijra's are very important because it gives legitimacy and acceptability to the sexual union between a Khawaja Sara/Hijra and a man in their own understandings [39]. This was also discussed with Chocolate in a photovoice interview when she responded in the following way,

*I am in a relationship with my boyfriend from the last six years. In this picture, I am sitting with my boyfriend on a sofa. I always assume that my boyfriend is like a husband for me, and I am his wife. "Za dasi ganram che za da di hapal malgaree jenny yama awo di mata as Khawand lage" (Direct Pashto Quote) I believe that I am the girlfriend or wife of him, and he is like my husband (English translation). As I said, I feel like a girl because of my gender and sexuality.*

<sup>7</sup> "Intimate partner" to refer to a person who has or has had a romantic, emotional, and/or sexual relationship with a transgender person ([39] p. 251).

**Figure 5.** *Sitting near with a Marakh or boyfriend on the sofa.*

Chocolate statements illustrate the sexual union and sexual relationships that are already discussed in Khan's [2] and Awan's [39] research studies. Here, in a photographical discussion, Chocolate explains her gender and sexual identity as she understands them. Chocolate strongly believes that she feels like other females or girls and therefore, she loves to wear feminine dress and desires for her boyfriend to satisfy desires that are entrenched in her sexuality. This indicates that the intimate relationship between Khawaja Sara/Hijra individual and a cisgender person is always built or develop on the conventional ways like a husband-and-wife relationship is developed. In this way, Chocolate further reflects that we also have choices in selecting our intimate partners and the same are also done by the cis-heteronormative individuals. Both members develop their relationships based on their own well and the choices that they prefer either to develop their relationship with a young or older age individuals. When further asked in terms of preference of selecting the young and old cis-heteronormative partners. Shanza further added that,

*Majority of our Khawaja Sara and Hijra members like to have an adult partner (35–40 years) to whom we call "Kansra or Kansragan" in our Hijra Farsi while some of our members also like to have a young partner (18–25 years) to whom we call "Banta or Bantagan" in our language. In addition, we also love that our partner has a muscular figure, Bearded face and also a high posture to give us satisfaction and fulfil our desire just like other female or girls want or desire to do so (Shanza PVI).*

Shanza's reflection is interesting at this point, because it shows her own choice and preferences of selecting an intimate partner. Although these relationships are stigmatic and challenged by law in Pakistan but still, they are commonly practiced in the communities of Khawaja Sara and Hijra's in Peshawar city. The relationship between a Khawaja Sara/Hijra and a cis-heteronormative man is being considered an illegitimate practice in the non-western culture of Pukhtoon society but still it is repeatedly practiced. The data shows that although intimate relationship for Khawaja Sara and Hijra's are illegitimate and challenged by law and local culture but still they are regularly practiced. And this means that the intimate relationship is an enticing practice for

### *Decolonization of Gender and Sexuality: Exploring the Stories of Discrimination… DOI: http://dx.doi.org/10.5772/intechopen.108684*

both Khawaja Sara and the cisgender person in many ways because first Khawaja Sara and Hijra being understanding of themselves in opposite gender (female) and enjoys their intimacy with other cisgender people. Secondly, the cisgender people also give them opportunity and their availability for developing the intimacy relationship in between. Thirdly, although the intimate relationship of Khawaja Sara and Hijra's are challenged by both society, culture, religion, and law but there are many loose spots present in both the socio-cultural spaces (discussed in detail in the previous chapter) that give participants a chance to perform their sexuality in a way as they understand. Last but not the least Shanza statement demonstrates that being Khawaja Sara they also idealise the hegemonic personality of men and for that they also love to have a strong partner that could give them love, security and protection.

Similarly, Alishba, a cheela in her twenties add in this way,

*If you look into picture 6, we both are looking exactly like a husband and wife. My boyfriend is wearing a masculine dress with a male shawl wrapped around his neck, and I am fully dressed in female clothes giving an impression of a female or cute girl.*

Alishba's narration adds that majority of the boyfriends are the married men who have their own families including children but still they love their relationships with Khawaja Sara and Hijras. In the similar vein, Alishba has also an intimate relationship with a married man, and she was very happy with him. They routinely meet with one another and often went out for shopping, hangouts and perform sex. This indicates that cis-heteronormative men are married men in majority who develop a relationship with Khawaja Sara/ Hijra's in Peshawar city. At this point, I would like to add here that the discussion on marakh and his relationship with Khawaja Sara and Hijra's is beyond the scope of this chapter (**Figure 6**).

Taking the western literature in consideration on intimate relationship of transgender, Tobin [49] in his research discusses that cisgender partner always delegitimized his partner transgender gender identity. While Riggs et al. [50] in their study suggest that many transgender individuals find difficult to negotiate their intimate relationship with their cisgender partner because they believe that their bodies are the reason that make hindrance in their smooth intimate relationships. Similarly, for

**Figure 6.** *In a happy mood with my Marakh (Boyfriend).*

many transgender societal barriers like negative social attitude, stigma, extremism can therefore also affect their intimate relationship with their cisgender partners because these societal barriers bring mental health problems for both [51]. But, in this research participants have discussed their sexuality and their intimate relationship in different ways. The data show that it is common practice in the life of Khawaja Sara and Hijra's to have or to keep a boyfriend or husbandly relationship with cisgender men. Within the context of their intimate relationship, a Khawaja Sara/Hijra's recognise themselves as woman and a wife, whilst the cis-heteronormative men are considered as boyfriends or husbands. For Khawaja Sara and Hijra's their intimate relationship is one of the main aspects because doing so they are challenging the normative assumptions of gender identity and sexuality which directly line up with the process of decolonization. The normative assumptions are largely focused on binary of gender, where men and women are allowed to be partnered in relationship, and those who perform against the normative assumption their action are not only challenged but their relationship are prohibited in the context of local culture, religion, and laws. Therefore, for many the intimate relationships of Khawaja Sara and Hijra are illegal acts, but for Khawaja Sara and Hijra their intimate relationships are important because of their gender and sexual identity in ways as they understand. In this way, members of Khawaja Sara and Hijras are not only performing their gender and practicing their sexuality, but they are challenging the coloniality of gender and sexuality.

Nisar [52] in his PhD thesis discusses that almost every participant of his research project has had a romantic relationship with other men at some stages of their life, whilst Awan [39] describes it a non-lineage sexual relationship in the communities of Khawaja Sara and Hijras. Shanza a cheela in her twenties and a girlfriend cum wife of a cis-heteronormative person in a guru-cheela house, expresses her feelings in the following way,

*I am in a relationship with my boyfriend from the last four years. If you look into the picture, you can see that I am standing very close to my boyfriend just like a female, or like a girlfriend or like a wife. I am fully dressed up in feminine way with light makeup. My boyfriend too is wearing a masculine dress and he has a beard and moustache too. These characteristics show my intimate partner is different from me.*

Shanza, when reflecting her intimate relationship or partnership with her boyfriend, articulates an understanding of her own gender and sexuality and her partner too. She states that my boyfriend has masculine characteristics like beard, moustaches and he is also wearing a masculine dress, while she too herself defined and identified in feminine way with light makeup and femininely dressed. This shows that Shanza understands herself different from the gender identity that has given to her on birth. She further describes her sexuality in a way as she is delighted and feels satisfied with her boyfriend who has wrapped hands around her and trying to hug her like a husband that can easily be seen in the picture. At this point the picture shows two different scenarios i.e. On one side it explains Shanza's understanding of her gender and sexuality and secondly it also describes her relationship and her level of satisfaction that she is getting in her daily routine life. However, in the study of Tobin [49] some of his participants were unwilling to enter in an intimate relationship because of dissatisfaction and discomfort for their bodies, but in Shanza case she was very satisfied for being a transgender woman with feminine sexuality that derives towards cisgender men as her immediate partner (**Figure 7**).

*Decolonization of Gender and Sexuality: Exploring the Stories of Discrimination… DOI: http://dx.doi.org/10.5772/intechopen.108684*

**Figure 7.** *Standing in a good mood with Marakh like husband and wife.*

In the similar vein, Nayela a guru in her thirties lives in Peshawar. She was in a relationship with a boyfriend for 10 years but at the time of photovoice interview, she had breakup with her partner. She added in the following way,

*My partner always considered me as his girlfriend, therefore, I used to wear women dresses for him and to give myself a girlish outlook. We both were attracted towards one another and have developed sexual relationship. We were like in a husband-andwife relationship.*

Like Alishba, Nayela has also a period of time when she was in a relationship with her boyfriend for 10 years. She describes her relationship in good terms because she was happy and relaxed from her boyfriend. I demonstrate that for Khawaja Sara or Hijras, relationships.

are very important because they get love, care, protection and fulfil their sexual desire. Nayela further adds that intimate relationships are kept secret in the communities because people in the wider communities consider them homosexual and then they face hardship and stigma. But Nayela deny the assumption of homosexuality because for her, her intimate relationship was heterosexual in total because she considered herself female or girl. Participant further discussed that she and many like her friends attempt to transform and develop their physical appearance like females or girls by taking hormones and visiting regularly for medical check-ups.

During the interview, Nayela further adds that its much hard for senior Khawaja Sara/Hijra's like us to find another good relationship after our break ups.

*"Che kala zamong break up oshe no mong sara dery options ye. Ya ho mong bal talluq joor ko, ya mong bus daka shan pate sho, ya mong zanla bal ashna oguru kam ta che mong Ruta wayoo (Pashto Direct Quote). When our relationships break up then we have three options ahead. We either develop another intimate relationship, or we stop making any other relationships, or we try to look for a young cis-heteronormative person Ruta in Hijra Farsi (English Translation). In this picture-9 I am looking an old enough because my body gained weight and I am no more a cheela. Although, I wear colour full dresses and even dance in the night parties (Nayela PVI).*

**Figure 8.** *Fully dressed like women in blue and wearing a Shawal.*

Nayela's above statement demonstrates clearly that break ups and separations in relationships for them are very common and it happens to every Khawaja Sara and Hijra individual very frequently. As discussed earlier these relationships are neither properly documented nor they are bounded under certain obligations likely written documents of understanding or relationship deeds. Therefore, the chances of separation are very high because of no legal protection or documentary proofs. But the lack of documentation sometime produces ease in the life of participants because they do not want to put themselves liable to someone for longer period of time. Shanza discusses that when our boyfriends start putting extra restriction or put us under certain limitation like not allowing us to participate in dance parties, restricting our meetups and other movements then we try to early separation (**Figure 8**).

Riggs et al. [50] study explain that transgenders in Australia consider their past intimate relationship experience when they want to develop their relationship in future. Especially the older transgender individuals have less belief in their relationship if they could occur in future. This was also find out in Nayela's discussion as she described that for Khawaja Sara or Hijra there are three options after their breakup i.e., she looks to find a new partner and develop another intimate relationship based on her past experience, or she may quit for ever and stop making further relationship if she is senior enough and has bad experience in her relationships or if she still desires but is not accepted further by any cisgender men then she starts a different kind of relationship called "Ruta" in Hijra Farsi. In a "Ruta" relationship probably a senior Khawaja Sara or Hijra develops a sexual relationship with a young cis-heteronormative boy or young individual based on her desire. This relationship is different from marakh and Murat relationship and is also beyond the scope of this chapter.

The above discussion highlights the sexual orientation of Khawaja Sara/Hijra's and describe their romantic/sexual relationship that they develop with other cisheteronormative men as part of their partnership in Peshawar city. The data discussed in this chapter further concludes that almost every member in Khawaja Sara and Hijra communities in Peshawar city have gone through this process and have had their relationships with men in the past. Therefore, Shanza stated in the following way,

*Decolonization of Gender and Sexuality: Exploring the Stories of Discrimination… DOI: http://dx.doi.org/10.5772/intechopen.108684*

*I would say that there are very limited numbers of Khawaja Sara or Hijra individuals who are not in a relationship with their boyfriends. Sanga che pa society ki da yao hazy khawand sara relationship v. Daka shan boyfriend zamong yao intimate partner v" (Direct Pashto Quote) We develop a husband wife relationship with our partners same as like a woman develop her relationship with other man as her husband or male partner (English translation) (Shanza IDI).*

Using the concept of hybridity from postcolonial theory to discuss participants intimate relationships with cisgenders in the cis-heteronormative and Islamised culture, I demonstrate that although the prevailing cultural environment in Peshawar city and the identities of participants are opposite to one another, but still the Khawaja Sara and Hijra's are practicing their sexuality according to their own understandings. At this point of time the concept of hybridity is an enticing concept to discuss because, Bhabha argues that the purity of any culture is a myth in society and the culture has an ever-changeable essence characterised by flux and transformation which is anchored through interconnectedness and inter-mixedness. Therefore, any foreign traits or new sentiments that are introduced in a specific culture produces third spacing and a way out of binary thinking, which is ultimately supporting the identities of transgender communities. Bhabah [53] explains the permeability nature of culture in his concept of Hybridity that diffuses different traits and develops a new diverse cultural identity.

Similarly, on one side the existing laws, religion, and cultural norms are strictly prohibiting homosexuality, which legally includes the sexual relationships of Khawaja Sara/ Hijras, but on the other side the participants neither fall short of their desires and nor they fail to explore their sexual identity in a way as they understand because of their fully supported relationship with cis men. This shows that participants can easily find opportunities and so as their partners to practice their sexuality in the extreme Islamised culture of Pakistan because of the permeable nature of existing culture that allow other newly introduced practice to diffuse in. In this chapter, I found that Khawaja Sara and Hijras were in their intimate relationship with their partners in a culture that was famous for its rigidness and under strict Islamic teachings. All the members of guru-cheela communities were free to meet with their intimate partners and even during the data collection I personally meet with some of the intimate partners too who came to see them to their Deras. This shows the fluidness and permeability of culture where many new practices are diffusing easily. But, at same time Khawaja Sara and Hijra still face many repercussions both religiously, culturally, and politically that make their relationship tough for them but not impossible. Although they can practice their relationship easily, but they cannot perform them openly because of stigma and public ridicule. Huddart [54] calls this a hybrid space that always emerges in the doubleness and resist against any power and representation. However, for participants and their partners it is not easy to perform their intimate relationships but are not impossible and, in this way, the challenging aspect of participants becomes a kind of betrayal from the cultural norms that goes hand on hand and against the prevailing socio-cultural environment where they are living. This hybridization of culture and sexuality is being possible of hybridity which is a move towards decolonization in contemporary periods.

### **3. Conclusion**

Decolonization in contemporary Pakistan is meant to change the marginalised and oppressive status of Khawaja Sara and Hijra's and provides support to stand against

those policies that are affecting them since long. This is because members belong to gender minorities in contemporary periods are getting more awareness of their rights and having said that societies especially the political institutions, allies' organisation more open and acceptable to the self-perceived gender identities. Although they are still discriminated too, and their lives are challenged by many in the wider communities but at the same time communities of Khawaja Sara and Hijra's also struggle to adjust themselves in a way as they understand their gender and sexuality with their constant resilience and resistance to those policies and regulation that made them criminal and complex their identities. Friere [55] writes that frequent marginalisation and obstacles aware those communities who are impacted. Therefore, to relive themselves and get freedom, those who are oppressed start struggling within their own communities or groups against the draconian laws and policies, where decolonization becomes the only option left that find different ways for those who are in marginal position and leave them with no choice but to liberate themselves from the cycle of discrimination and oppression. I, therefore, demonstrate that the performances of Khawaja Sara and Hijra like waring of feminine attires, painting of lips and faces and wearing jewelleries and the practices of developing intimate relationship and desire for other cisgender men is not only their resistance against the colonised and Islamised policies but also is a step towards decolonization of gender and sexuality in contemporary Pakistan.

This chapter described participants understanding and their gender and sexuality i.e., who they are, what they want to be either male/female or both and how their living lives are intersected in the wider communities where they are living. The scholarship developed in this chapter first bring the discussion on the coloniality of gender and sexuality within the impact of the British colonialist regulations, and Islamisation of gender and sexuality through Hudood ordinance in postcolonial Pakistan. Finally, the chapter discusses the decolonization of gender and sexuality within the context of Khawaja Sara and Hijra and the different ways that they do and understand in their daily routine life. After engaging with the members of Khawaja Sara and Hijra in a face to face direct and photovoice interview and drawing on the responses provided this chapter describes that participant are struggling and ensue their resilience with the support of their key allies against all the barriers that are confronted to them. Therefore, this chapter develops a body of knowledge that is centred outside of the western culture, and which is mean for to highlight the unsettling global hegemonic discourses of gender and sexuality in contemporary Pakistan.

In this chapter using postcolonial theory as theoretical framework my discussion explains the decolonization of gender and sexuality in contemporary Pakistan. I demonstrate that when the same sex sexuality is widely regulated in a culture that does not give opportunity of expression then sexual minorities like Khawaja Sara and Hijra's find themselves in a difficult circumstance because their understandings are challenged with different socio-cultural norms, different policies, and religious teachings but at the same times those who are repressed always in the struggle to find different ways for their survival as per their understandings. Therefore, drawing on the history of Khawaja Sara and Hijra's in the Mughal and Ottoman empire their positions were of respectable individuals, and they were counted amongst the nobilities because the culture was open to accept same sexual love. But with their repressed sexualities and complex gender identities they were criminalised under the Britishers colonial policies and their stoning to death and physical punishment within in the Islamised legislation in Postcolonial Pakistan during Zia regime.

Similarly, the mystical powers, spirituality, and the legality in Khawaja Sara and Hijra performances have also put them amongst the people with sacred positionalities
