**6. Findings**

We hope our findings will inform future research on how to best meet the needs of refugees. Considered. The authors first coded the data individually and then worked together to reconcile differences. From that phase of data reduction, three main themes emerged.

Each of the three themes were a type of stressor for which there were subthemes. The first theme, infrastructure, refers to the external factors such as the dearth of or limited access to services. Second, cultural differences emerged as a theme and encompasses factors such as language, discrimination, values, norms, and roles. The third theme of mental health consists of the different intra and interpersonal socio-emotional stressors of various refugee and resettlement experiences. **Table 2** provides an overview of findings for which kinds of stressors impacted each context.

#### **6.1 Palestine findings**

Through interviews with 11 parents (seven females and four males aged 24–60 years) the patterns that emerged included some overlap with the other two field sites and some that were unique to Palestine. Regarding the infrastructure theme, all parents mentioned overcrowded conditions. As for cultural differences, respondents reported that their children were losing respect for their parents as they did not obey them as they obeyed their parents when growing up. In terms of the mental health theme, six of the seven women felt isolated as their husbands worked all day and many times outside the camp. All parents reported that their situation felt uncontrollable, they were fatigued and struggled to be patient with their children. Nine of the 11 parents reported that they faced boredom and lack of meaningful ways to spend time. All three respondent groups reported the need for social and mental health support.

The unique pattern that emerged from all in Palestine was the impact of occupation. They expressed daily fear of not knowing if everyone in the family would return home from work or school, or if they would be woken in the middle of the night by soldiers and family members taken. Ongoing uncertainty of daily life and dwindling hope of returning to their homes permeated the stories. All parents in the Palestine groups believe that education is the most important thing in the lives of the children. One of the respondents was from a family that has lived in the camp for five generations, still holding the keys from their home as a sign of hope. He stated:

*I am a 34 years man, married for 10 years, I have 5 daughters and a son, the eldest has 9 years, and the youngest children are one-month old twins. I live inside Askar camp, to which I feel so proud, despite its bad details, such as overcrowdedness,* 

*Stories of Struggle and Resilience: Parenting in Three Refugee Contexts DOI: http://dx.doi.org/10.5772/intechopen.103827*

> *small apartments with lack of priacy. We are the grandsons of the generation who were forced to leave their houses and lands, where they used to live happy and in peace, to camp life with all its challenges, suffering and limited potential.*

A different parent reported what provided them the resilience to continue to move forward. "My life inside the camp is special, safe, and warm. I had never thought that my life out of it would be better than it is, I have nice neighbors and relations that make me very privileged and lucky woman … .my life inside the camps gave me an evidence that the good people are being good regardless where they live. I learned a lot from my friends in the women's center, who taught me how to spend my time doing useful things that make life valuable."


**Table 2.**

*Major themes, patterns within the theme, identified within country, P = Palestine, G = Greece, C = Colorado.*

#### *Parenting - Challenges of Child Rearing in a Changing Society*

When asked to share more about this response, the respondent stated it was very important to do purposeful things. From this response, the interviewers ask other parents about how they filled their time. People who felt they had purposeful work showed more ability to adapt to adversity and increased resilience. In addition, having at least 2 close friends outside the family was positively correlated to increase resilience. Three women reported how their attitude toward more conventional gender roles had changed due to the challenges of the occupation, and had helped in terms of their ability to address the adverse situation they live in One woman reported

*After my daughters had finished their universities and started working, I changed my attitude towards women's work outside her home, as I started to realize the work's positive impact on their characters, and lives, opposite to the past, as I was afraid of leaving home.*

Another woman responded joining a women's center activities positively impacted their physical and mental health and helped them overcome challenges. We see changes in terms of gender roles, and also the impact of having purposeful work to reduce the fears that align with occupation.

#### **6.2 Greece findings**

In Greece, the interviewer worked with the refugees in the camps. The camps are a temporary holding place until the families have been provided permission to move on. People typically stay in the camps anywhere from one to 3 years. The interviewer spoke with 16 asylum-seeking families. The parents and children were involved in the conversation, with the parents responding over 80% of the questions. The theme of infrastructure issues was prevalent in the Greece context with lack of basic services exacerbating mental health issues.

One parent reported:

*My son has been eating his nails since our arrival to the camp. We try to explain to our children with patience and calmness but then we get tired and we release our frustration on them. There are no schools and playgrounds for children to spend their time and they get bored. The camp is dirty and full of risks, the children need someone to supervise them all the time. They fall and get injured and get infections.*

All the respondents reported they wanted their children to have educational experiences, yet in the camp there were very few educational opportunities and most of those were informal. All reported unsanitary conditions, overcrowding, and lack of health care. Currently, food is being withheld with children comprising 40% of the camp population. This lack of infrastructure exacerbates mental health challenges [61, 62].

In terms of the theme of cultural differences, one pattern unique to Greece was how the conflict the families tried to escape seemed to follow them in the camps. There are people from other areas of conflict, many fled the same conflict, but on different sides, continuing the violence and fear from which they fled. Additionally, respondents reported high hostility between local Greeks and the refugees. Accessing benefits and sustaining hope of resettlement is challenging. Changes in gender roles due to the loss of family members and deteriorating respect for elders and parents contributed to familial stress. Over 90% of the adults reported that the children do not obey and listen to parents as was expected of them when they were

#### *Stories of Struggle and Resilience: Parenting in Three Refugee Contexts DOI: http://dx.doi.org/10.5772/intechopen.103827*

young. Few social networks exist in the camps in Greece, leaving families feeling isolated and lacking a sense of belonging.

As for the mental health theme, the main patterns that emerged included parents being tired and worn out from being on the move and the uncertainty of their future. There is nothing to do in the camp, the children were very bored and the adults did not have the ability to engage and have patience with the children and were worried about the long-term impact on their children. One family reported:

*Look at my wife, she is 25 years old but from all this condition she has grey hair growing and became depressed. We decided to bring one more child but the conditions are becoming even worse for children. I just want a peaceful life and a ceiling above my head to protect my children, I want them to go to school and to feel safe. There was however a positive exception to this from one of the fathers.*

*We are both from Afghanistan. I am 27 and my wife is 24. We have one child. First, we do not have a safe space to take our children and no kindergarten. We are both young and not experienced to work with children and to teach them. We need support on how to improve children's educational and social skills. We have a child who is sensitive to sounds and when she hears children screaming and yelling this affects her and she becomes aggressive and starts yelling. The noises in this camp are disturbing her. We used to live with another family in the same tent. We did not have privacy and my child did not have a space to play. When the other children were speaking loudly she was behaving aggressively and started fighting and hitting them. We as parents try to calm her and hug her. I built this (showed the interviewer) room outside of the tent especially for her in order to calm and play. In Afghanistan I was a construction worker and I used to make statues. I built this safe space for my child in order to feel safe and be calm. Many times I gather other children in order to play together and learn. I enjoy gardening. I would have built a garden near the tent but I would need a lot of material to prepare something that is nice for my family.*

A family from the Democratic Republic of the Congo reported:

*Being a parent here is really difficult, we came all this way in order to secure a good future for our children. We want them to go to school and feel secure. We want our children to feel safe. I thought the EU was safe! All families reported boredom and how stressful it was to stay calm in the camp. They reported losing their patience and taking the situation out on their children. Parents varied in using coping mechanisms successfully, though they realized the need for them. A family from the Democratic Republic of the Congo shared, "I need help and support, so I tried to go to a psychologist. When I think of all of the things I get a headache. I have the capacity to calm. My wife releases her anger on our children and she needs support".*

All families reported they wanted mental health and parenting support and felt a lack of safety. One woman reported that "Children and women are afraid of going to the toilet at night, it is dangerous here."

*I am 29 and my wife is 23. We have 2 children and a newborn baby. We are from Syria. We had family support in Syria. Here we are alone and we need support. We do not know what to do with our children all day. They get bored and tired and we get tired as well. The father: I try to talk calmly with my children and to support* 

*them and play. Take them for a walk. The wife: I do not have patience for the children. I get upset and I yell at them when they do not listen to me. The conditions here cannot keep you calm. We get tired and we do not know how to support our children alone.*

#### **6.3 US resettlement findings**

Unsurprisingly, the theme of infrastructure in resettlement pertains less to the existence of resources and services and more to the ability to navigate systems and *access* resources. Overcrowding Is another infrastructure issue as often large families are resettled in small apartments.

The theme of cultural differences appeared frequently, provoking and/or interacting with mental health stressors. Parents and children face language barriers that impact their occupational and educational opportunities and experiences. Families' religious beliefs and values differ from those of these new societal and educational contexts. Children face bullying in schools and must navigate the mismatch between their home country's values and beliefs and the new cultural norms of schools. As one father stated, "The children begin to learn new ideas from being part of the community around them. We try and make meaning of what they are learning with our own ideas of how to be parents and what children should or should not do. It is so hard, as what they learn is not always what we believe is good."

One parent from Myanmar shared, "Our kids are learning things from kids born in the US and are not showing respect to us. This is important in our culture. They begin acting like American kids and calling people by their name rather than their title. They say they cannot share their food, when we always share our food together. They start doing things like other kids and rejecting us. Our language is being lost". An Arab Muslim parent commented,

*We live dual lives: one filled with tradition and culture at home — watching Mom make fresh bread over hot stones and learning our country of origin's national anthem along with other daily and cultural routines. The other life is filled with constraint: tries to blend in, make and maintain friends at a school, and try to find a job which pays a livable wage. In addition, language differences lead to systemic barriers everywhere we go. We know that speaking many languages is really a talent, however, the systems of education, health, and employment look at it as a deficit and many times correlate our English language ability to our intelligence. We are also grouped together with other ethnicities as people try to make sense of who we are and why we are here. Some people take pity on us due to the situation we come from. This is not helpful either. There are little ways we can culturally bridge our lives and people who live in Colorado typically want us to be like them.*

These quotes exemplify a common conflict for refugee and immigrant parents raising children in a new country. Refugee and immigrant families show resilience and adaptability as they bridge two cultures and languages while often facing racial and/or religious discrimination. Balancing traditional and new ways of being in healthy ways requires tremendous navigational capital [63].

That U.S. culture values independence over interdependence impacts families. As one parent stated, "When children learn to take care of themselves, that is good. But when it undermines the parents' authority it is not good. We are not used to having a family separated. We lived close together. Now when children are grown, they think about where to move, move away. How will our language and culture be remembered? In our culture, decisions are made based on what will happen to everyone, not just one person. We believe we take care of children and when we get old, they take care of us. That is not what happens here in the US". An Afghani parent stated, "Many times children talk back to their parents, that would not happen back home".

Many parents reflected upon differences in how children are disciplined and supported in their learning. As with the other two contexts, parents lament not being able to control their children and the lack of respect and honor toward elders. Many have previously used corporal punishment to teach children right and wrong yet in the US that is viewed as wrong and ineffective. Families shared that they see advantages and disadvantages of raising children in a new culture. One example includes the shift in gender roles. Roles within the family change as women go out to work for the first time while men assume tasks such as chores in the home, child rearing and greater involvement in children's education. While the expanded options for women could be seen as a beneficial change, one challenge is the negative impact it can have on men's identity. This shift results in men feeling alienated and depressed as these shifts cause them to question their self-worth. About 60% of the women reported their husbands resent their employment. "My husband cannot find a good paying job, so I bring the money home into the family. He is depressed and cannot get out of it, so he drinks. He is always drunk and abusive. But if I leave him, I think he will not make it." Women working outside of the home face time constraints in fulfilling their traditional roles of caring for the home and child rearing expectations.

Another cultural difference is the accelerated pace of life in the U.S. which alters priorities of how families spend their time. "When we come here – we have so much to do and no time. We do not get to sit with our families and talk and tell stories. Our values are being lost as our stories are lost. We lose ourselves when we cannot take care of our family as we want. My children have to help with the cooking, sons and daughters, but back home sons do not cook."

Parents also reported concerns that their children are moving away from traditional religious beliefs. Many children try to keep their religious identity private due to discrimination. Palestinian refugees reported the negative impacts that discrimination had on their mental health [64]. Discrimination is not only religious as refugees and asylees systemically face inequities in housing, education, and health care. Parents reported that the laws and rules are not clear. One parent reported fear of taking their child who has special needs to the doctors, as they thought the doctor would report them for child abuse. Several families reported not seeking mental health services for fear of being accused of child abuse and losing custody of their children.

In schools, parents report that language is associated with intelligence. Parents feel ignored or treated in an 'unfriendly' manner. One mother reported, "The teacher calls me almost every day to say my 4 year-old is hitting others in her preschool/kindergarten class. Last year in her preschool she was loved, cared for, and she was happy and played with all the children. They spoke Arabic in her other preschool. Now the teachers only speak English, and they think she is a bad girl. I do not know what to do." The teacher also stated that she did not have the time nor the knowledge to address the needs of the girl and suggested the girl change schools. Schools can be spaces where racial, ethnic, religious, gender, socio-economic and language discrimination and xenophobia intersect. School personnel who hold these biases tend to view refugees' parenting through a deficit lens.

Additionally, the sense of belonging and identity impact resettlement. As one Arab Muslim father shared, "My family and I often feel like outsiders growing up in the US. We struggle to find balance between our Arab Muslim, identity and our US American identities. Some of our children still struggle even thought they were born and raised here. They should not have to struggle with their identity

in school but unfortunately, they do. It is very sad as a parent to watch your child try to be something someone else wants them to be…When we find other families from our home country, we tend to stay together. At least there is an understanding of what we are going through, as we try to make Colorado our new home. Now we live in a community that is very limited in access, resources, services, and our children are many times blamed for mistakes or inappropriate behavior at school. Our families and children continue to live under stress, this makes parenting so difficult as we do not always have patience with our children when we cannot afford to pay our rent or we lost our jobs due to COVID. Many of us are the first to go when it comes to being laid off at work. Then the children feel bad about themselves. This is not what we want. We want to be proud of our culture, our history and we want to make our home good in the US. We live between two worlds, and it is very hard".

Finally, several refugees discussed the significant trauma women and children experienced due to assault in transit, and in their country of asylum. Even in refugee camps, they are sometimes forced to provide sexual favors just to obtain the aid to which they are entitled.
