**3. Finding and discussion**

Data analysis revealed three independent, interrelated themes relating to mothers' time experiences during the COVID-19: idealization of the time spent at home, gendered perceptions of time, and alternative narratives of "quality time."

#### **3.1 Idealization of the time spent at home**

Popular media publications as well as professional educational and mental health parental guides pervasively focused on the benefits of the increased time at home as a precious opportunity for quality time [34, 35]. Consistent with the intensive mothering ideologies, time spent with children is idealized and romanticized [8]. For example, a guideline for parents published in the popular media in March 2020 encouraged parents to use their time at home to improve their parenting by investing more time and effort in their children [36]:

*Exploring the Quality of "Quality Time": A Temporal View on Mothers' Experiences… DOI: http://dx.doi.org/10.5772/intechopen.101174*

*"Use this enforced situation as a possibility to spend quality time with your children…time that we usually don't have enough. You cannot leave the house, so this is the time to share your household with your children…make them feel valuable… play cards with your children, domino or memory games, look at your old albums, bake cookies, build a blanket tent, and after they go to sleep listen to a podcast that makes you think differently about your parenting, instead of your usual 'automatic pilot'. Because you can be a different parent, you just never had the chance to think about it."*

In a similar vein, a married mother to a 16-year-old son interviewed in the USA today [37] said:

*"We've loved the time together, …. Before, life pulled us in 1 million different directions. But since the pandemic, we've been spending much more time together at meals, especially at breakfast and dinner."*

In line with ideologies of intensive mothering that underscore the importance of mothers' time for children's optimal development [8], the above examples present an idealized and romanticized picture of the time spent at home. Moreover, they encourage parents to dedicate their increased time at home, almost exclusively, to children's emotional and educational needs. Furthermore, these cultural representations imply that the current pandemic should be used by parents to compensate for their "pre-COVID-19" practices and beliefs that were not thoughtful enough.

A critical reading of such a perspective may uncover another important component of the intensive mothering ideologies, according to which mothers are blamed for not spending enough time with children due to other obligations, especially paid work [38]. A clear illustration of this mother blame can be found in the following text, published on the popular media in March 2020 [39].

*"The social media is full of frustrated parents complaining about the COVID-19. It seems that everyone has something to complain about. Parents are complaining about the prolonged time they must spend with their children, the lack of assistance from grandparents, on the distance learning system. Parents even describe how spending so much time with their children makes them want to end their lives. On the other hand, prior to the pandemic, all we wanted was to spend a little more time with our children, to play games, talk to them or just be with them, and finally, when the opportunity arrives, we cannot see its bright sides."*

Like the previous text, this publication illustrates how notions of time and temporality are used to produce and maintain a sense of guilt among mothers who question the social expectation of the intensive mothering ideologies. This text, entitled "Why it is so difficult to stay at home with our children?" portraits parents as selfish and egocentric because of their refusal or difficulty in fully dedicating themselves to their children's needs. By doing so, these perspectives may not only contribute to child-centered parenting but also undermine a mother's well-being [40].

#### **3.2 Gendered perceptions of time**

Analyzing mothers' notions of time use during the COVID-19 pandemic revealed that their time perceptions were highly patterned by gender [41]. Consistent with the traditional gendered role of being a primary caregiver, mothers found

themselves taking on more and more duties in the domestic sphere, including childcaring, home-schooling, cooking, and cleaning. Like others' findings on women who had to give up their work for staying with their children due to childbirth or immigration [22, 42, 43], the COVID-19 sharpened the distinction between women's and men's identities and tightens the ties that bind women to the home. Despite the accompanying stress and anxiety inherent to this re-domestication process, many women found themselves calmer and more peaceful [5]. For example, a post published in a Facebook group for mothers showed how mothers' choice of activities corresponded to the traditional construction of gender identities.

*"Everyone who knows me knows that I am not a 'stay at home' person. I love being outdoors, meeting people, interacting. Suddenly, my biggest fear of not being a good mother or a good wife due to the endless time at home was replaced by a feeling that I was changed. First, my daughters now have a 'full time' mother, and I have a chance to know them better, be more relaxed and present. We have a deeper and a more secure attachment. My husband now has a wife that cooks every day, and he is very happy."*

Similar to previous findings on professional women who left their work for staying with their children [42, 43], such dedication to maternal roles was justified by the ideologies of intensive mothering. Inherent to these ideologies is the tenet that mothers are best suited to comprehend their children's needs and can interpret and respond to those needs intuitively [44, 45]. Consequently, mothering becomes a career in itself that needs a strong commitment for one to be "successful" [46].

Furthermore, I argue here that although increased time with children may be detrimental for mothers who hold themselves to the standards of intensive mothering [5], the opportunity to immerse in the domestic sphere completely may also provide some relief from the guilt, stress, and anxiety inherent to the struggle between work and family demands. As one mother, who lost her job a few months after the pandemic outbreak described in a Facebook group:

*"I miss my job tremendously, but this is the first time in the 10 last years that I don't feel guilty towards my children and husband. This is the first time that I can enjoy being the mother I always wanted to be; totally available for my children, highly involved in their lives, knows everything about the difficulties. Even my house looks better, and we eat fresh food everyday."*

Qualitative and quantitative research has demonstrated that when women feel as though they have not lived up to the standards, they have internalized for being an ideal mother, they experience guilt and shame [47, 48]. This guilt, however, is exacerbated for mothers who hold a more traditional maternal role stereotype [49]. Therefore, the intensification of time with children during a pandemic provides mothers a unique opportunity to reduce the painful self-discrepancy between the ideal mother they want to be and the actual mother they are [40].
