**3. Methods**

This study used a qualitative approach that allowed for an in-depth and flexible exploration of reconciling tensions among academic mothers during the pandemic [43]. We used a biographical approach so that the academic mothers themselves could guide understanding and interpreting the social conditions they had experienced [44–46].

Using this approach, we explored the lived experiences of three mothering academics during the COVID-19 pandemic. We focused on how they reconciled tensions from the triple shift of work life, childcare, and domestic chores, along with uncertainty from the pandemic. All three mothering academics worked at research-intensive universities that had high expectations for research and scholarship productivity. The autobiographical narratives were constructed as part of an auto-interview [44]. Auto-interviews are a technique that are used in qualitative research; in this study we followed the structure proposed by several experts [44, 47–49] who propose the use of auto-interviews in research to emphasize researcher reflexivity. Often, this technique is used in combination with biographical interviews, and has been used in prior studies [13, 50–52]. In the analysis presented in this chapter, we used fragments from auto-interviews of the three academic mother researchers and analysis of narratives that emerged from the federally-funded FONDECYT project 1,190,257.

The scientificity of this technique is based on the epistemology that guides the research process. The application of the auto-interview is based on the contribution it can make to knowledge of how an individual experienced and perceived a specific event. While this technique has been questioned on occasion, some initial critics such as Bourdieu [53] applied the technique later on, recognizing its value. That being said, we do acknowledge the limitations of auto-interviews, including a more singular, unique focus on an individual process that creates a theoretical-reflexive dialog, instead of generalizable results [54].

Each mothering academic completed three auto-interviews across different phases of the pandemic, and reflected different mothering experiences, family compositions, and academic trajectories. Two of the mothering academics were in Chile, while the third was in the United States. Both Chile and the United States share similar types of government and handled the pandemic response in similar ways: through increasing remote work opportunities and responding with shelterin-place orders.

From the constructed narratives, we developed processes to reflect and write collaboratively [51, 52, 55] and deconstruct the disruption that COVID-19 has had on our work and family lives. As we constructed our auto-interviews, we were guided by a Feminist lens to consider a critique of emerging gendered roles [56].

#### **4. Results: bodies that produce and reproduce**

There were three main themes that emerged from the reflection and analysis of auto-interviews: (1) *bodies that produce and reproduce;* (2) *the triple shift in mothering academics*; and (3) *tactics for resistance and change.* All three of the themes reflected experiences of all three academic mothers as they reconciled tensions from disruptions to work, family, and household life during the pandemic. Consistent with other qualitative research, our results were validated through reflection on the research process, saturation of themes, and a triangulation of these auto-interviews with 20 additional interviews that were conducted as part of project FONDECYT 1190257 and an extensive literature review.

*Tensions, Challenges, and Resistance among Academic Mothers during the COVID-19 Pandemic DOI: http://dx.doi.org/10.5772/intechopen.104532*

#### **4.1 Theme 1: bodies that produce and reproduce**

The first theme was *bodies that produce and reproduce,* and related to contradicting demands of production and reproduction among mothering academics. The mothering academics reported feeling tension to conform to *intensive mothering* [57] through expectations that they would accompany, educate, and provide stimulation for the children. Even for mothers who work outside of the house, the idealization of the maternal role has resulted in demands to "be prepared for any challenge" [58]. During the pandemic, there were constant domestic and educational responsibilities and, as demonstrated by the following extracts, mothering academics experienced internal tension about their own expectations of their maternal role while also having their private world made public with remote work:

*"I've had to break many of the rules I had as a mother. Screens, for example, Before, we only allowed them on special occasions or on flights. Now, they have become the best option to entertain M while I work" (Mothering academic of a 3-year-old, USA).*

*"I've seen how some aspects of my life have been made public, things that before, were considered private. Like my intimate relationships, a move to a new place, even getting new furniture to adapt my home to the new demands of my job" (Mothering academic of two teenagers, Chile).*

On the other hand, all three academic mothers had to meet high research productivity demands, such as multiple publications and presentations. Consistent with prior research [59] the mothers shifted between the need to fulfill productivity demands and their own expectations as a mother. This required them to balance family and work time, as demonstrated by the following quote, in which childcare and household responsibilities acted as a barrier to academic productivity:

*"Where do you write? When can you write? I've been asking those questions as part of a longitudinal study I am conducting. Today, I must add the following question: 'how have you done it with the pandemic? What have you had to give up?' I'm trying to acknowledge and raise awareness about the juggling act that we academic mothers have had to do to reconcile housework and child care (young or adolescent) with research and scholarship. The urgency of household tasks have caused my research to get delayed or postponed as I wait for better conditions for production" (Mothering academic of two teenagers, Chile).*

*"I look at some colleagues reading books and writing articles, while I can't even read two pages in a row of anything […] finally, we started using false documents to be able to move B, so that I could have at least two or three days per week without worrying about him. During these days I tried to make up for late work. Our society assumes that mothers should always be the ones who are with their children more. I feel completely alone" (Mothering academic of a 7-year-old son, Chile).*

When balancing demands related to reproduction and productivity, their bodies were visible affected. The ideal "bodies" that are prioritized in academia tend to connect to the notion of productivity, in which male academics by and large have fewer interruptions or disruptions with their commitment to work [60, 61]. Through a process of embodiment, the academic mothers' bodies have adapted

and organized to crisis mode [62]. On the one hand, the three mothers in our study reported feeling *loneliness, exhaustion,* and *stress.* In their cases, their bodies embodied tensions from the productivity demands at all costs, possible as a response to the academic capitalism and neoliberalism present at the universities [63–65]. The demand to finish delayed work, finding time to write, and converting private spaces into spaces for productivity, led to physical problems and embodiment of structural tension.
