**7. Results**

### **7.1 Friends as proxy family (Theme 1)**

The 'patterns of suffusion' concept is particularly relevant for the UASA in this study with its underlying premise that friends can become family-like when they have a strong sense of responsibility towards one another and where an enduring relationship assumes a high degree of significance in their lives [7]. Patterns of suffusion identified amongst Eritrean women living in Norweigan asylum reception centres, which meet the normative expectations of family relationships by providing unconditional emotional and practical support and loyalty, have been conceptualised as 'proxy families' [48]. This process of suffusion is captured in Mamoud's description of his friends as 'brothers', which conveys the importance of their family-like roles:

*I miss my family so much but it's like my friends are now my family. I have five brothers at home but also four brothers here. We met in Greece and are from the same country with the same language and we came here together. They're not friends, they're brothers - it's different. (Mamoud, RCJ)*

Experiencing friends as proxy family during flight from his home country, manifests strongly in the narrative which accompanied Mamoud's eco-map image (see **Figure 1**). The narrative consists of his responses to the author's warm invitation to describe the objects chosen and her gentle observations, reflections and feedback on symbol choice, arrangement and distancing.

*I met Aboud when I was running away after the explosion. He's the soldier with the flag in the picture beside me – I have the sword. I was only 12 years old and he took me into his home as his brother. His whole family accepted me and even his sisters* 

*Adolescences Disrupted in Displacement: The Protective Effect of Friends as Proxy Family… DOI: http://dx.doi.org/10.5772/intechopen.103151*

*and wife did not wear the hijab around me1 . His mum is the angel horse and his wife and sisters are the princesses – they are still protecting me (Mamoud, EMN)*

Amina also refers to friends made in the RIU since fleeing her country, as her new family, and emphasises the importance of having friends to take on roles which she perceives as usually fulfilled by her family, such as providing company, intimacy and support. It is evident that her situation has made her reflect on the blurring of boundaries between friends and family:

*We're all living in the same place, cooking together, speaking our language (apart from when staff tell us to speak English) and talking about weird Irish stuff! It's comforting and you don't feel alone. So it feels like family and sometimes I make myself think that this is my new family and try to forget about my 'real' family but I never ever can. (Amina, RCJ)*

For Raheem, attributing family-like descriptors to the two closest friends he had to leave behind when he moved from the RIU to a DPC after turning eighteen, demonstrated that their relationship had taken on additional qualities, which would ultimately strengthen the friendship tie:

*They're my brothers – sometimes I forget that I haven't known them all my life (Raheem, RCJ).*

These patterns of UASA suffusion and proxy family relationships were in clear evidence in all three composites across both RCJ and EMN data sets.

#### **7.2 Deep emotional and experiential bonds (Theme 2)**

Mamoud, Amina and Raheem all talk about the strength of the friendship bonds between themselves and their closest friends which grew from the intense emotional and harsh physical experiences which they had shared both during flight and since arriving in Ireland. Raheem talks about a deep bond between himself and his two closest friends which was not threatened by his recent move to a DPC:

*We went through so much together that it doesn't matter where we live – even if we end up in different countries - we will always be so so close - no one else can understand. It's so hard being moved here and leaving them behind it's like I left part of me behind. We will do anything for each other … now and always (Raheem, RCJ).*

Parallels can be drawn between the intensity of these bonds and those documented between war veterans deployed together during periods of armed conflict [71]. Although UASA evidently do not undergo military training which develops intense reliance between soldiers, it could be argued that the profound shared UASA experiences of war and terror, albeit as witnesses or victims rather than in combat roles, also result in the development of deeply personal emotionally sustaining relationships. Of critical importance in this context is the evidence base evaluated by Bessel Van Der Kolk, which demonstrates that the presence of a good support network constitutes the single most powerful protection against becoming traumatised in response to a

<sup>1</sup> In its traditional form this head covering is worn by some Muslim women to maintain modesty and privacy from unrelated males so the fact that the sisters did not wear it in the presence of Mamoud bestows him with family-like qualities.

terrifying event and that when human beings are traumatised, they recover in the context of relationships which can provide physical and emotional safety [27].

Like UASA, soldiers suffer the loss, albeit as a more managed, predictable and often temporary process, of their family relationships and the growth of their new (military) family—described as 'surrogate family members' [71] and 'brothers and sisters in arms' [72]. For soldiers during the transition to the war phase of deployment, and UASA during the flight phase of forced displacement, physical and social isolation, experiencing shared risks and the deprivations associated with these respective phases, encouraged them to rely heavily on their close friendship networks for social and emotional support, leading to the forging of strongly bonded relationships (see the seminal work of John Bowlby on the ways in which early bonding patterns with primary caregivers develop and guide future relationships [34]). Furthermore, bonding capital has been identified as the strongest form of social capital available to displaced young people in their host countries [9].

Amina's experiences also demonstrate the strength of this bond as she describes how the only person who could understand how she was feeling was the friend from her home country with whom she had shared 'shocking and terrifying' experiences:

*She went through all that bad stuff with me – and knowing that she understands makes me feel calmer and safe. It's like unspoken and cos we went through it together we have a bond forever. (Amina, RCJ)*

Amina's remarks on feeling safe within this deeply bonded friendship are reminiscent of comments made by the combat soldiers in an ethnographic study by Jamie Ward [72]. The depth of UASA bonded friendships is also illustrated in her use of an angel figure in her eco-map image to depict her friend Khadija with whom she journeyed through four countries (see **Figure 2**). In response to the author verbally noticing her hesitation when choosing the figure, she responded:

*Yeah I was drawn to the angel cos she (Khadija) protects me but I hesitated cos it has a wing missing but then I thought well Khadija lost her dad so it's like a part of her has gone and losing the wing meant she couldn't function properly cos of her dad so it kind of fit (Khadija, EMN).*

For Amina, the use of the damaged symbol led her to acknowledge and interpret the impact of Khadija's loss and identify qualities in her friend which she may not have previously considered:

*It's less than a year since she lost her dad and she's still been taking care of me – she's so strong. (Raheem, EMN)*

Amina's choice of an angel for Khadija and a baby gorilla to represent herself, created important therapeutic distance which facilitated the development of roleplay dialogue between the two symbols. This allowed Amina to speak through the gorilla rather than directly verbalising her pain and also to focus on the symbols when she needed grounding and wished to avoid eye contact. This created a space where Amina could safely explore her loss, whilst allowing the author to bring unconscious material into Amina's conscious awareness, thereby enabling her to explore the associated feelings, beliefs and thoughts [73].

*Adolescences Disrupted in Displacement: The Protective Effect of Friends as Proxy Family… DOI: http://dx.doi.org/10.5772/intechopen.103151*

#### **7.3 Coping with the stressors of resettlement by connecting with friends (Theme 3)**

The importance of connecting with friends for refugee coping and overall well-being during the resettlement phase and indeed during all stages of forced migration is well-documented [74, 75] and the social channel of coping is one of the dominant coping modes in Lahad et al's [43] BASIC-Ph integrative model of coping and resiliency [42]. Friendships are consistently evoked by Mamoud, Amina and Raheem as providing important sources of coping, as evidenced by Amina:

*Whenever I think that I can't cope with any more terrible news from home, I call over to Mariyam – she knows that when I go it means that something bad has happened and that I need company, not even to talk (Amina, RCJ)*

Mamoud talked about connecting with friends from the RIU to help him cope with the isolation which he felt after moving to foster care:

*I spend a lot of time in my room cos downstairs I'm in the way – I don't feel part of the family and I really miss my friends from the RIU – they were always there when I felt bad, when I was missing my family, they just got it. We would listen to music from our country or prepare food together. Now I have to text or call and although our friendship will always be so strong, it makes it harder (Mamoud, RCJ)*

However, he also acknowledged that sometimes he didn't want to over-burden his friends with his problems:

*Sometimes I just try to cope with things on my own – I know that my friends have their own problems to deal with. Although therapy can support me you haven't been through it so can't fully understand (Mamoud, RCJ)*

This assertion that full understanding can only come from others who have experienced similar situations is consistent with findings from research into adolescent help-seeking experiences more generally, including adolescents in foster care [76, 77]. A reluctance to over-burden friends has also been documented amongst UM's [4]. Moreover, as well as offering informal help and support, UASA described helping friends to access mental health services:

*Lila was really struggling to cope and when she got really bad I told my social worker and we persuaded her to get some professional help (Amina, RCJ)*

Raheem's social channel of coping was strongly represented in the eco-map he produced when invited to choose symbols to represent 'different things which help you to cope when you're not feeling great' (see **Figure 3**). The talking figures were placed centre stage (representing Raheem and a friend) and other activities with friends such as enjoying nature and animals, playing sport and engaging in faithbased practices were represented. The author explored with him the emotions he was feeling as he described each symbol and its qualities.

This helped Raheem to get in touch with important conscious and unconscious feelings and thoughts. The symbols placed most closely to Raheem represented God and discussion of their position in relation to the arrangement of other symbols was useful in raising Raheem's awareness of the nature of this relationship.

#### **7.4 Friends helping to heal the ruptures of lost childhoods (Theme 4)**

Mamoud, Amina and Raheem all talked about their different experiences of missing out on their childhoods because of the circumstances which led to forced displacement. Mamoud expressed his sadness at not having been able to play as a child and talked about making up for this with his friends:

*I should feel happy seeing the kids around here play but I feel sadness that I had to work to survive when I was twelve years old when the war started. I think that's why I love having a kick around and messing around with my friends – it's like we are making up for it (Mamoud, RCJ)*

On Raheem's first visit to the therapy room the author noted that his eyes were immediately drawn to a big jar of marbles in the corner. She offered to play with him and after some hesitation which lasted for several sessions, which he later divulged was due to his perception of playing with marbles as being for younger children, he shared games from his home country. In addition to facilitating therapeutic relationship building, this enabled Raheem to re-visit a time in his life when he was able to play freely and to share different aspects of his culture with the author. This was the start of the process of supporting him to put together the narrative of his life. It also led him to buy a small net of marbles:

*Yes, I bought just a small net of marbles and they felt kind of comforting so I just had them in my pocket, but last week they fell out and my house-mate saw them and at first he teased me but then he wanted to hold them and we ended up playing them in the room and laughed and laughed and it was so fun (Raheem, RCJ)*

Raheem returned to this incident several times and when invited to choose symbols to build a picture of how he experienced his childhood (see **Figure 4**), the marbles were the first things he chose:

When the author commented on the very gentle way in which he handled the kite-flying figure, he became visibly upset and talked about the feeling of freedom he experienced when flying kites in his home country, where they formed an important part of the culture and tradition [78]. This led to a resiliency-enhancing kite-making activity in later sessions which drew on many of Lahad et al's dimensions of coping [42]. For example, the ancient tradition of kite-making (which drew on beliefs, values and cultural heritage) also engaged Raheem in the use of his imagination and creative problem solving skills. When reflecting on his eco-map Raheem saw himself as the small animal looking up at the kite flyer and said that the stones were his current friends:

*The stones are the friends I have now - I picked the stones as they are all different and have seen a bit of life with their rough edges and one of them, my friend I play marbles with, is over with the play stuff (Raheem, EMN)*

The link between Raheem's present and past selves provided by play was clear from his EMN narrative and RCJ entries and it was evident that his friends played an important role in helping him to re-imagine those parts of his childhood which he perceived the war in his home country to have taken from him.

#### **8. Conclusions**

The aim of this study was twofold: firstly to gain insights into the ways in which friendships help UASA to cope during their migration journeys, upon arrival in

#### *Adolescences Disrupted in Displacement: The Protective Effect of Friends as Proxy Family… DOI: http://dx.doi.org/10.5772/intechopen.103151*

Ireland and during the early years of resettlement and secondly to explicate the process of composite narrative character development from the RCJ and EMN clinical case material. This approach, which removed the requirement to obtain informed consent, was developed after carefully considering the critical debate which questions whether bona fide informed consent can ever be obtained in the therapy context [52, 79].

In addition to addressing the issues of confidentiality and the impact on the therapeutic relationship of seeking consent, the decision to present the current data as a series of composite narratives based on a combination of the notes from the RCJ and EMN data, was prompted by the desire to convey the richness and social and emotional complexity of individual motivations and values over time. Interview studies frequently include only one interview with each participant, often without forming a relationship beforehand and sometimes requiring an interpreter who may filter the conversation. Use of the RCJ and EMN provides the opportunity to explore experiences which have been processed within the context of a meaningful and trusting relationship which has been developed over time. The themes identified from these data sources captured the protective effects of friendships in the lives of the three composite characters of Raheem, Amina and Mamoud.

Amina's observation that friends take on roles traditionally associated with family, together with the rupture described by Raheem when he had to leave his 'brothers' behind after moving from an RIU to a DPC, provide clear evidence of the blurring of traditional familial and friendship boundaries captured by Spencer & Pahl's, patterns of suffusion conceptualisation [7]. Mamoud's description of his friend Aboud as a 'brother', choosing a soldier symbol to represent him in a protector role in his eco map, also evokes this blurring of boundaries. Furthermore, the strength of the emotional and experiential bonds which grew from intense shared experiences permeates the data and parallels are drawn between the intensity of these bonds and those documented between war veterans upon deployment. Mamoud experienced these bonds as unbreakable, irrespective of his changed living circumstances and the increased physical distance from his friends. Gentle observations made by the author on Amina's use in her eco-map of a damaged angel to represent her close friend led to increased insight for her into the nature and strength of the emotional bond between them.

There were also many examples of the perceived importance of connecting with friends to help cope with the stressors encountered during resettlement. For Amina, sharing her difficulties with her friends was particularly important at times when circumstances in her home country were unbearable. Although Mamoud also connected with his friends when he needed support, at times he felt that sharing the full extent of his pain was too great a burden to place on his friends who were dealing with their own difficulties. Moreover, Raheem's eco-map illustrated the importance of sharing more somatic experiences when connecting with friends. Finally, the impact of ruptures of lost childhoods were described in all three composites, with Mamoud exploring the ways in which he compensated for missed play opportunities in his home country through engaging in playful activities with his friends in Ireland and Raheem finding both comfort and enjoyment in playing marbles. Making a kite with the author was found to be a highly therapeutic experience for Raheem which as well as tapping into his sociocultural traditions and skills, developed into conversations about freedom, and of creating and imagining a future.

Although the nature of the protective effects of all UASA friendship experiences cannot be generalised from the data, the three composite narratives provide a unique multi-modal re-presentation of the friendship experiences of thirty-three UASA in Ireland, highlighting the different ways in which friendships can be protective and how they can take on roles traditionally associated with family.

This ultimately develops a deeper understanding of these experiences. The use of composite narratives provided an effective way of presenting anonymised clinical data where relationships had already been developed, which retained the richness and complexity of personal experiences. The findings have important implications for all professionals who are interested in understanding and supporting the needs of UASA.
