**4. Presence and fear of public speaking**

There are wonderful communicators with talent and charisma, which is indisputable, but many of them are caught up in that talent and charisma. We realize this because we perceive how they "hear" when speaking. Your presence can be shocking, but not transformative because it is a somewhat empty presence—they are only present with a part of their being, the intellect. People admire them and they may learn intellectually, but not grow. Moreover, they frequently generate a dependency on them. It is true that, in the early stages of life, this is almost inevitable but as adults, it does not help us much. When you speak from the head, you connect with the heads of others. When you speak from the heart you connect with the hearts of those who listen to you. When you speak from the presence, your words find the slit to penetrate deeper [7].

You can question beliefs from the head, empathize emotions from the heart, but only from the presence, a deep transformation takes place.

A nurturing presence is different from a pure charismatic presence. They can happen together, but not necessarily. Charisma comes from talent and skills. Both impress but they do not necessarily nurture. They can even generate jealousy or envy. So that you, presence nurtures the other and, rather than impress, inspire and transform them, you have to exercise your charisma and your abilities with detachment and with that internal quality so devalued that is humility. Remember that what you transmit "is not yours," it has been given to you; bring this to you, consciousness frequently because we tend to forget it.

Of course, it is smart to cultivate and improve your talents, if you appropriate them, if you attach yourself and become its owner, you are generating distance from the other, because there is "yours and mine" [8].

Maybe you will get the other to admire you, but he/she will not have discovered his/her way for himself to develop your own talent and find your answers. In fact, it will compare to you and you will probably feel inferior. In your message the "you can" must be very present that encourages the other to get going. It needs your testimony, not your Ph.D. [8].

You, like everyone else, have your own talents. Use them! But do not forget that they are the vehicle and not the end in themselves. Remember it and do not get lost in them. Do the best you can and nurture your talents but remember that the important thing is to stay connected to your essence. That is the transformative thing … And it is not "yours," it has been given to you. It is not something you own, but "Who are you" under your disguise. Do not pretend to appropriate it, remain attentive and vigilant to be just the clean and truthful channel of it. Only then will you be a companion whose presence will help the other to discover their own essence [8].

Fear is a natural defense against what we perceive as dangerous. When activated faced with the possibility of speaking in public, it is because we consider this situation as something threatening. In general, in any new situation, fear appears; and, what it does when we go from being spectators to actors of something since it means one degree more or less important to expose ourselves. In the case of fear of public speaking, it is very present the feeling of shame, of not feeling capable, or the fear of doing it wrong and even to "go blank." It is what is called "stage fright."

Speaking in front of others happens like riding a bicycle—you only learn by doing it. It may be that the first few times it is something very uncomfortable, but as we expose ourselves, we will build confidence and learn. We will even be surprised

when, at a certain moment, we realize that we are enjoying it. Remember—you can substitute your avoidance responses for allowing yourself to be right with what you fear; then it goes changing and giving rise to something different. Breathe your fear, do not give it more power than you it has, and get through it by putting yourself into action. You can start with small auditoriums to go little by little [9].

In reality, the human being is destined, by nature, to communicate. Is not something strange but inborn? We communicate with words, gestures, and our actions. Through communication, we deliver and receive the best versions. We call it walking "communicators." Acquiring good communication skills and abilities requires training, but above all common sense [9].

Through the word, we connect and relate to others and the world. The word is the simple and prodigious means that allows us to get out of our essential solitude and "meet." What happens is that they almost never taught us to express our words in an auditorium. That is why the situation generates fear—we anticipate that they will judge us to us, not the act of speaking and how we do it. We identify with that action feared and then it is very threatening to us [10].

It is normal to feel nervous when having to speak in public.; and there is nothing wrong with it; in fact, is positive. Nerves make us alert and show that we are excited, and it worries to do well. The feeling is similar to that of enthusiasm. It depends on the perception. The enthusiasm captivates the audience. In fact, there is nothing more boring than a speaker who intervenes wearily and with a tedious routine [10].

When the emotion is too intense then it can be considered stage fright. Behind the stage fright is the fear of failure. The stress we feel before speaking in public can generate many reactions, at the level physiological, cognitive, and behavioral. It is a biological mechanism that releases adrenaline and cortisol [11].

The whole body becomes conscious. The body reacts as it reacts to great danger. Although Obviously, our lives are not in danger, but the brain interprets it as if we are facing a predator. So what instills fear are mental constructions about what we think it means to speak in public [6].

With fear or phobia, we can have physiological sensations such as sweating, heat, flushing, chills, stomach pain, leg stiffness, urinary urgency, involuntary movements, tachycardia, shortness of breath, hyperventilation, and many other sensations [12].

At a cognitive level, mental confusion, concentration problems may be noted. At a behavioral level, there may appear, among others, disturbances of motor performance to vocal and or verbal level—stuttering, shaky voice, involuntary movements, stiffness, etc. [13].

It is worth thinking objectively. We never play a lot in an exhibition. Almost nobody masters the art to perfection. Making a fool of ourselves is not something that should condition us so much, because: If we do not know the audience, they will forget about us after a while. If we know the public, they will not judge us for that moment exclusively. They probably have some sympathy or proximity to us, and we can then laugh with them at what happens [13].

Stage fright arises from a wrong interpretation, of aspects such as the underestimation of the own abilities or overestimation of the opinion of others.

## **4.1 Techniques before speaking: how to overcome stage fright and face an exhibition in public**

• Changing the perception we have of what it means to speak in public. There is nothing out there; no predator. Stage fright is caused by our head. It is not a threatening experience. Everybody is afraid to speak in public. They will empathize with our nerves, and they want us to do well. Take away your defensive attitude. Everything they can tell you or think you will accept; any negative attitude in the public you can understand it and approach it from the understanding. Do not be afraid of people. Think that you like people, each person [14].

