**Abstract**

This chapter looked at the experiences of marital rape among immigrant South Asian Muslims domestic violence survivors who are living in Texas, USA. Based on qualitative interviews with 20 participants, this chapter discusses the hidden nature of marital sexual abuse. Specific themes include: abuse took place in a larger context of domestic violence; duality in sexual behavior allowed for husband and wife; submission through threat and intimidation; it is not rape but, I feel the same as a rape victim; shame of talking about something so private; and divorce and vulnerability from sexual advances by outside men. Implications to advocates and human service workers, especially those living in Western countries and work with Muslim communities are discussed, as well as how to effectively assist these diverse communities in a culturally sensitive manner, being mindful of their religious background.

**Keywords:** Marital rape, spousal abuse, domestic violence, south Asian, Muslims

### **1. Introduction**

Marital rape unfortunately exists in every society. In the US, sexual coercion within marriage was banned in all 50 states by 1993 [1]. Still, marital rape charges are hard to prove, and consent to sex within marriage for each sexual encounter is a concept that remains elusive. Consensual sex between partners within the confines of a marriage is the generally accepted norm in non-abusive relationships. However, like in any other country, in abusive relationships sexual coercion continues to occur in the US and remains a difficult topic to battle. One study found that in the US 40–52% of the women in intimate relationships experiencing domestic violence, also experience sexual violence [2]. These cases can be hidden in some minority communities. The US is made up of diverse communities, and cultures. Immigrants to the US not only abide by US laws and cultural norms of the dominant culture, but also bring with them cultural values, beliefs, and practices from their own countries that are different. Many practice biculturalism, navigating two worldviews that, at times, appear to clash with each other [3]. Multiculturalism and diversity enhance the local culture and force everyone to embrace change, and look to within their

customs and identify areas that need to be remedied. Domestic violence, especially marital rape, is a dark side of any culture and is unfortunately prevalent across all societies [3, 4].

Most South Asian immigrants within the US have their own values and customs regarding marriage. Like anywhere else, consent to sex is a generally accepted norm within a marriage, but how that consent is obtained varies in different cultural communities. In South Asia, marital rape is not a crime under the law, except for Nepal and Bhutan [5]. For example, the penal code of Bangladesh reads that, "sexual intercourse by a man with his own wife, the wife not being under 13 years of age, is not rape" [6]. The legal and the cultural implication of that is that by the consent to marriage, sexual consent is granted at the outset, and sexual acts are not negotiated by each encounter. This means that legally by design a husband cannot rape a wife. While these views on sexual consent within a marriage vary by age, class, education, religion, and other intersectional factors, it creates a situation in abusive relationships where sex can be demanded by the spouse at any time, regardless of their partner's wishes. This is further complicated by patriarchal gendered norms about differences in male and female sexuality that exist within many South Asian communities. In South Asian countries, men are generally granted sole entitlement to initiation of sex and to sexual pleasure, being viewed as having biological sexual needs, and there is a common acceptance of males having multiple sexual partners or sexual encounters before and after marriage. On the flipside, women are typically viewed as the pillars of society for socialization. Hence, viewed as chaste beings, access to sex is generally accepted only through marriage. There is an expectation they will remain a virgin until married and will remain faithful to their partner after marriage. Women's sexual pleasure is not a concept that is often accepted, written about, or talked about [7, 8]. This dichotomy between male and female sexuality creates distinctions within women, where "good women", or those who abide by the cultural norms, have access to marriage and social status. "Bad women", those who do not conform, have difficulty finding marriage partners and are branded within their communities. The more you deviate from those norms, the more negatively you are sanctioned. Sex workers, who are not just viewed as deviants but also as a group who takes advantage of the sexual entitlement and the biological needs of men, are granted the lowest social status, relegated to society's margins, and are criminalized [8–10]. From this perspective, for women who abide by social norms, access to sex is seen both as a reward but also as a duty to the partner for the security and social status that marriage brings. This creates a power differential in relationships that complicates giving willing consent [7]. Misinterpretations of religious passages and cultural practices tied to religion further complicate sexual negotiations within South Asia. In the Muslim faith, many verses in the Quran and hadiths from Prophet Muhammad preach peace, love, and equality within marriage. For example, the verse, "They (your wives) are your garment and you are a garment for them" (Quran - 2:187) [11], describes equality of partners in marriage. Additionally, the hadith (hadith - teachings of Prophet Muhammad) that the Prophet said to his companions: "Not one of you should fulfill one's (sexual) need from/fall upon his wife like an animal; but let there first be a messenger between you" And when asked "What is that messenger?", he replied "kisses and sweet words". In effect, the Prophet Muhammad was talking about foreplay. Several other hadiths and verses from the Quran also show that foreplay was recommended before sexual relations. This recognizes the fact that women need some time for arousal for sex to be comfortable and pleasurable. "And one of the signs is that he created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you might take comfort in them and He has placed between you, love and mercy….." (Quran - 30:21) [11].

#### *Under the Cover of Silence: The Burden of Marital Rape among Immigrant, Muslim… DOI: http://dx.doi.org/10.5772/intechopen.97277*

Yet, many Muslims believe that men can request sex from their wives anytime. In Islam, marriage is a civil contract, under this contract, both men and women are assigned specific duties. The husband is considered to have *Qiwama* (authority) over the wife, he is expected to provide for her within the marriage. The wife is expected to have *ta'a* (duty to obey) the husband. While this concept of *ta'a* is interpreted differently, many imply sexual obedience [11, 12]. Additionally, the verse "Your wives are tilth for you, so go to your tilth when or how you will…." [Quran - 2:223] [11] is cited as the justification for this religious sexual entitlement by the husband. Furthermore, the old cultural practice tied to Islam where men can have multiple wives is still practiced by some South Asian Muslims, though it is rarer among educated Muslims [12]. These concepts complicate sexual negotiations further within marriage for Muslim South Asian women living in the US.

These intersectional factors create a context where marital rape as a concept is nullified. This allows society to believe that consent is given at the time of the marriage and not with each sexual act. These values further complicate marital rape as it creates a situation where husbands can demand sex from their wives anytime, and as dutiful wives, they need to comply every time. No matter how painful it is, the concept of coercion is not accepted as rape, rather as part of wifely duty, and in some situations with the threat of a second, or third wife hanging over her head. While these concepts may create dilemmas for women even in peaceful families, these cultural norms can have especially detrimental ramifications for women undergoing domestic violence. To understand the impact of marital rape, this paper looked at immigrant Muslim South Asian female survivors of domestic violence experiences of marital rape. At the time of the interviews, all women were living in the US.
